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Post by Ramona on Jun 25, 2005 12:14:24 GMT -8
"The lines of black, Parallel and endless, Were the times she ran, And never looked back."
This was my favorite stanza, and I really liked how you wrote a poem abot something that's like a form of visual poetry. Perhaps I'm going Hall of Fame crazy, but would you mind if I put this poem in the Halll of Fame?
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Proud
Jun 4, 2005 10:42:43 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Jun 4, 2005 10:42:43 GMT -8
Spank you both, but I think it might come out too forced if I tried to extend it. Maybe, but I'm kind of wary.
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Proud
Jun 3, 2005 19:40:08 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Jun 3, 2005 19:40:08 GMT -8
This is like the first 'dark' thing I've written in...forever and it's about a psychotic killer with low self-esteem, in case you couldn't tell.
----- I swallowed all their pungent lies, Muffled all their aching cries, Turned down offered compromise, Stared into their dying eyes.
Proud of me?
I told them it was just too late, That I loved what they desecrate, That they slaughter all that I create, That their deaths would compensate.
Proud of me?
I knew all that they wished they’d known, Before their only chance was blown, I killed them all and heard them moan, Now I'm not one of their own.
Proud of me? You should be.
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Post by Ramona on Mar 12, 2005 12:57:40 GMT -8
Spanks.
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Post by Ramona on Mar 10, 2005 15:35:55 GMT -8
Again, thank you, to all my fans...*gets worked up and starts to make speech* I just wanna thank all the little people I had to step on to get this award, you like me! You really LIKE me! Naw, just kidding, it was slightly funny at the time, though.
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Post by Ramona on Mar 9, 2005 18:28:00 GMT -8
Thanks a lot.
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Post by Ramona on Mar 8, 2005 17:06:58 GMT -8
Spank you very much.
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Post by Ramona on Mar 8, 2005 16:21:45 GMT -8
I wrote this back in 7th grade (which was only last year) and I was in my headbanger/cutter thing, which is fine, but I grew out of it. Yeah. ----- I walk among the living, But I am not alive, Stand before me, empty child, Only I allow you to survive, Cruelly I watch over you, I watch you become ill, You struggle, battle for your life, When it ends is at my will, Abridged: I am your nightmare’s twist, The deceit in your smile, Shadows flitting in the mist, Your senses I beguile, You are trained at my hand, To believe what is not real, I gently float around your mind, While your breath I steal, You cannot get me, you may say, Put your thinking to the test, And take a lonely, frigid sleep, Close your eyes but do not rest, Keep on glancing towards the sky, Watch: for I may be nearby.
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Post by Ramona on Jun 12, 2005 14:48:02 GMT -8
I liked the two last lines a lot. It had great imagery, though I'm not exactly sure on this one, monstly because I don't understand it, and am not sure whether it's something that was meant to be understood.
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Post by Ramona on Jun 12, 2005 14:54:22 GMT -8
I lurve the ending. The entire poem reminds me of someone I know.
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Post by Ramona on May 29, 2005 15:32:40 GMT -8
Oh yeah, and the little title thingies changed because I was bored and thought it would be really funny to change it to phrses from "Ice, Ice Baby."
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Post by Ramona on May 29, 2005 15:31:04 GMT -8
Excellent, the ending seemed a bit abrupt though, perhaps if you extended the poem a little and then built up to the ending? Only a suggestion, but it's fine the way it is, too.
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Is
Feb 11, 2005 18:36:08 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Feb 11, 2005 18:36:08 GMT -8
Thanks a lot. A lot of my work is short, I like it like that. Short and sweet.
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Is
Feb 8, 2005 16:34:41 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Feb 8, 2005 16:34:41 GMT -8
Spanks a lot. ;D
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Is
Feb 8, 2005 14:56:12 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Feb 8, 2005 14:56:12 GMT -8
Thanks to both of you. About the 'brain' thing, I always liked to use brain intead of mind, because mind is more overused than brain. I also thought it sounded like it didn't belong because of the fact that in this type of poem, all things are romanticized, but it's easier to rhyme.
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