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Post by Ramona on Nov 14, 2005 8:11:44 GMT -8
I really like this because it's different than what you usually write (well, what you usually post) it's a little bit dark, but a lot of originality.
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Post by Ramona on Jun 12, 2005 15:02:34 GMT -8
I especially like the last line, but the whole poem is pretty good.
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Post by Ramona on Jun 12, 2005 14:57:03 GMT -8
I think the word 'merrily' in the end seems a little misplaced, but the poem is great. It's an idea that not that many people think of consciouly, and this poems forces them to think about it.
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Claire
Jun 12, 2005 14:45:48 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Jun 12, 2005 14:45:48 GMT -8
I liked how you repeated the beginning, and the meaning behind it, but maybe you could expand a bit mre on how the one boy acutally loved her. Other than that, it's beautiful.
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Post by Ramona on Jun 12, 2005 14:44:17 GMT -8
Thanks, but to me ludicrous or gelastic would seem more out of place beacuse it's supposed to be a simple poem. Something with plain launguage and a plain meaning, ya know? Thanks for the suggestions, though!
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Post by Ramona on Jun 11, 2005 16:30:58 GMT -8
Wow, I actually revised something when i said I would. I'm totally proud of myself. ----- Crooked teeth in a squinting smile, Hair tousled from a spin, Fingers just a bit too long, You’re too late to begin.
Flawed knees set on bony legs, And manners unrefined, Got a kind of goofy laugh, You tend to fall behind.
Wrinkled shirt unchanged for days, Arm scraped because you fell, Always drags me into things, Secrets you just have to tell.
When I sing myself to sleep, You are my laughing song, You don’t have to be perfect, Just so you’ll belong.
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Post by Ramona on Jan 17, 2005 15:07:26 GMT -8
I like it like that, but however you like.
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Post by Ramona on Jan 17, 2005 14:48:38 GMT -8
Radical poem. Had a lot of word combinations I loved, and that are seldom used in poetry, though they should be used more often.
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Post by Ramona on Jun 9, 2005 13:31:32 GMT -8
Thank you, I basically started with the end which started with the phrase "When I sing myself to sleep, you are my song." That's why it seems a bit short, and I hope I do get around to adding in another stanza, even though i always say I'm going to extend pretty much every poem i write. Ah, well. Thanks again.
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Post by Ramona on Jun 8, 2005 19:32:27 GMT -8
Just worte this, it's about someone I know. ----- Crooked teeth in a squinting smile, Hair tousled from a spin, Fingers just a bit too long, You’re too late to begin.
Flawed knees on bony legs, And manners unrefined, Got a kind of goofy laugh, You tend to fall behind.
When I sing myself to sleep, You are my laughing song, You don’t have to be perfect, Just so you’ll belong.
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Post by Ramona on Jun 12, 2005 14:51:24 GMT -8
This is an awesome poem. I like that so many people cna relate to it because of similar situations and that the language was just as complicated as it needed to be, no-frills but still beautiful in it's simplicity.
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Grandad
Jun 29, 2005 13:46:31 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Jun 29, 2005 13:46:31 GMT -8
Very beautiful, I especially loved the last four stanzas and the ending was fitting.
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Unknown
Jan 17, 2005 15:21:16 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Jan 17, 2005 15:21:16 GMT -8
Thank you.
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Unknown
Jan 10, 2005 15:38:45 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Jan 10, 2005 15:38:45 GMT -8
Well, I didn't like it. But, thanks.
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Unknown
Jan 9, 2005 15:06:33 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Jan 9, 2005 15:06:33 GMT -8
This is just some dumb thingy I wrote last night for no reason, I honestly think it's crap. Any suggestions?
----- And so I watch, With broken heart, The one I love, My work of art, He holds your hand, And I’m alone, Clouds stand still, Sun hasn’t shown. At least they’re connected, By one rainbow, Could we be like that? We’ll never know, Condensed to rain, They float on by, A single tear, Leaves my eye, It falls to the ground, It could be rain, No one can tell, Nor know my pain.
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