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Post by Ramona on Jan 17, 2005 15:35:00 GMT -8
Thank you so much. So rad.
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Post by Ramona on Jan 9, 2005 15:07:47 GMT -8
Thank you very much.
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Post by Ramona on Dec 31, 2004 17:22:50 GMT -8
Thank you both, and to Sparks; I thought the same thing, too. I just couldn't figure out a better ending. Thanks, again.
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Post by Ramona on Dec 20, 2004 10:30:49 GMT -8
Guess no one wants to crit, eh?
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Post by Ramona on Dec 18, 2004 12:20:53 GMT -8
Okay, I wrote this a while ago, for a friend of mine whom I liked. Then he, like, moved and stuff. I know I've posted this before, but we've gotten new members since then. So yeah.
----- Always breathing in your laughter, Freckled with the sun. Infectious as it is moving, Freckled with my love. Maybe I don’t believe in Fate, Freckled with free will. But I do think I love you, Freckled with doubt still. I love the way you talk to me, Freckled with emotion. I love the way you look at me, Freckled with devotion. I love the way you make me laugh, Freckled with your care. I love the way you say you miss me, Freckled with despair. I love the way you are. Freckled.
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Burning
Jun 26, 2005 14:19:43 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Jun 26, 2005 14:19:43 GMT -8
Thank you both. Thw whole poem startesd with the phrase 'ask a burning question, get a burning answer," which I thought of in one of my half-asleep musings. I wasn't sure if it sounded good, though, because a lot of times the things I think of in my half-asleep musings are...hmm, far from genius, ha ha.
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Burning
Jun 24, 2005 12:54:26 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Jun 24, 2005 12:54:26 GMT -8
Yeah, I was hoping no one would get offended, but if they did I'd just have to tell them that I'm a Catholic. So, yeah. Thanks for the comment, by the way.
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Burning
Jun 23, 2005 14:06:42 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Jun 23, 2005 14:06:42 GMT -8
I wrote this more than a month ago, I wrote it on 5-6-05. Please comment. ----- Wanna know a secret ‘bout the Catholic girl next door? I know you really want to, So go ahead, implore.
So is it now you have to know, An answer to your question? What if I said I overheard, During her last confession?
And now you just have to know, About the girl with flawless braids, The girl who’s always perfect, Who always has good grades.
So now I’ll tell you ‘bout the girl, A nightclub’s naughty dancer, Ask a burning question, And you’ll get a burning answer.
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Post by Ramona on Feb 5, 2005 14:30:55 GMT -8
Thanks to both of you, I like the brown sugar analogy, and the grammar's all funny because I just wanted to play with punctuation and grammar a bit. Thanks again.
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Post by Ramona on Feb 3, 2005 6:51:10 GMT -8
I wrote this yesterday, I was going to make it longer, but my dad made me get off the computer, so I said "Hold on a second," and finished it really quick. As always, your comments are greatly appreciated. Thanks.
----- candy-coated shivers running up and down my spine living for the passion of the one who could be mine showing up without a thought of what the monster touches holding ever closer, dear, holding, holding, clutches to her broken heart the memory: running out of time catching someone in the sunlight committing victimless crime thoughts bent over lips whispering to other lips lips that resulted in her eyes’ total eclipse shut against the blinding truth brighter than the sun guesses are floating through air: he never was the one
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Post by Ramona on Jun 25, 2005 12:11:39 GMT -8
This poem was fantastic! I loved it! The theme was great, and the way you tied it all back to the spider was awesome. I especially loved the 'caught in my mind' phrase. I wanna put this one in the Hall of Fame. Would you mind?
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Lucy
Feb 2, 2005 19:12:20 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Feb 2, 2005 19:12:20 GMT -8
It was odd, but in a magnificently unusual way. I loved the style, always like E.E. Cummings.
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Post by Ramona on Jul 10, 2005 10:36:23 GMT -8
I especially loved this stanza: "And I can’t stand to hang around much longer seeing how much I love and how much you don’t though you offered the very next best my friend but I guess I want it all" because it illustrates human nature so very well, always wanting more.
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Post by Ramona on Feb 6, 2005 14:16:25 GMT -8
It's very nice. Structured well, with a definite rhythm and rhyme.
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Post by Ramona on Jun 26, 2005 14:35:27 GMT -8
I liked the ending, because the whole poem you're wondering if the person you ar speaing of has changed and the person speaking is convinced of it or if she/he isn't and he/she hasn't, and the ending went exactly the other way than the reader would want to believe. I hope that made sense.
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