storm

[lelandluver4eva]

i wrote this about a year and 1/2 ago. im just curious of what you guys think as writers (when i usually show people my work they have no idea why they're talkign about ) so her it goes.

STORM

Living through pain
living through sorrow
some how survived-
and lived to see tomorrow
Living in horror
Of an unforgettable night
Too weak to believe
Too weak to fight
Never really good enough To be who I am
Eventually growing immune To what you cant comprehend
Comments behind my back
Stabbed me through the throat
They laugh all together
While I repeatedly choke
Living through your lies
Living through your game
somehow I survived and made it through the rain

[ScarletMornings]

woooow i think this may be one of my favorite first poems by a newbie. i really like the rhyming, when most of the time i don't really like rhyming poetry. this is a somewhat cliche topic, comparing it to a storm, but nonetheless a very powerful idea. you have some great imagery, ideas, and diction in here. all in all very nice job. my very part is prob. "somehow i survived and made it through the rain." great job.

[Ramona]

Kind of a cliche topic, but really a good first posted poem for a newbie (usually it's cut-me-and-I'll-bleed kind of stuff.) I like the last line and the flow of the "too weak" part.

Ramona

[ScarletMornings]

yeah, what's up with the slash our wrists thing? i guess i never was into that?

[lelandluver4eva]

scarletmornings said:

woooow i think this may be one of my favorite first poems by a newbie. i really like the rhyming, when most of the time i don't really like rhyming poetry. this is a somewhat cliche topic, comparing it to a storm, but nonetheless a very powerful idea. you have some great imagery, ideas, and diction in here. all in all very nice job. my very part is prob. "somehow i survived and made it through the rain." great job.

wow. thanks, now im all excited. thats the nicest anyone's ever been to be while referring to poetry.

[ScarletMornings]

yay! i feel happy now!

[equanimity]

I also really enjoyed this poem. I agree entirely with ScarletMornings.
You really placed an image in my mind, where in other cases poems don't hold so much emotion.

[lelandluver4eva]

i am really flattered i came to this forum and read all your guys writing and i was scare out of my mind, I'm still intimidated

[ScarletMornings]

ah, don't be. i'm still embarrased by my first attempts at writing. i've been on here forever it seems, and i'm just now starting to feel really comfortable with what i'm writing. you are already doing well in my opinion.

[lelandluver4eva]

well ill take that to heart seeing how you're an outstanding writer yourself.

[ScarletMornings]

wow thank you. i'm used to being one of the youngest, kind of rookies on the site and now we suddenly have a lot more new writers coming and i'm just really excited to see some new styles and ideas of poetry that are coming in. i feel so veteran like now. (btw i am laughing at myself) just some advice WRITE WHENEVER YOU CAN! and just some personal experience, i found once i stopped writing ONLY rhyming poems, i felt so much more free and i started to actually LIKE my own work. it didn't feel as forced anymore and it wasn't as hard. i still loove rhyming poetry but i much prefer to write free style. so now that i've had my little mentor moment, i'm gonna quit blabbing. but just wanted to thank you so much. it means so much when people like your work. it makes it worthwhile.

[lelandluver4eva]

it sure does. how old are you anyway?

[ScarletMornings]

fourteen. i am a mere child compared to some people on this site. *cough cough, queen of rain, cough cough* i think she's like twenty. i'm a little intimidated sometimes myself.

[lelandluver4eva]

yeah well im 13

[ScarletMornings]

well, personally i think the younger tyou start, then the better you'll be at a younger age. but that may just be becuz i'm young. i'm just two months about past fourteen.