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Post by Confusion on May 30, 2005 1:46:51 GMT -8
Forever seeking
Your captivating breeze
We’re always crying
So why denying?
Our lifeless love
Be mine no more
Forever seeking
A place to be
With you
With me
All against all
'Take me, now'
Forever seeking
That lifeless smile
That lust
That joy
That space
That cry
Now it’s only me
Just me now
Forever seeking
Your captivating breeze
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Post by Queen of Rain on May 30, 2005 23:41:39 GMT -8
amazing poem, great word play that fits the theme excellently, i really think it loses a lot with the "To belong, To know, Be there in society" part, its so off in the poem as it lacks poetic beauty and wording, to blabby and "doh"ish..
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Post by Confusion on May 31, 2005 0:39:26 GMT -8
thanx! i agree with what you said about the society bit! i've edited it now. thanx for your comment!!  |
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Post by ScarletMornings on Jun 4, 2005 10:12:19 GMT -8
oooooh, pretty! i loved it!! queen of rain got it right
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Post by ScarletMornings on Jun 4, 2005 10:12:50 GMT -8
except i only read the edited version.
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Post by Confusion on Jun 4, 2005 11:59:02 GMT -8
thanx!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Post by Queen of Rain on Jun 5, 2005 1:05:20 GMT -8
edited version was awsome
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Post by Confusion on Jun 5, 2005 2:14:54 GMT -8
Thanx!!!!!!
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Post by Confusion on Jun 5, 2005 2:35:54 GMT -8
On this site i have had very nice comments towards this poem... however I also posted it on allpoetry.com (as there are no rules on this site, i hope it doesnt matter i mentioned posting on other sites) and so far only have had one comment on this... they seemed to hate the poem completely, although i am not sure exactly what they ment by their comment, they wrote: what the hell, is this. you are incessantly and mind-numbingly repetitive, which is just cruel you are clearly not thinking about your audience. which reveals a selfish poet and there is nothing worse than a selfish poet. so my advice to you young man as you set out on quest to be a notable poet is to become less selfish, and then hopefully your poetry will improve. ..... i hope this is just one persons thoughts, however if anyone does see what he means, please could they say as it would help me improve my poem.
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Post by Queen of Rain on Jun 9, 2005 23:55:57 GMT -8
someone letting you be the victim of his own anger of being a crap poet i suppose... i stand for loving this poem and you arent a selfish poet.. you should always ignore those cmments unless they come with seriosu constructuive critisism; otherwise its usually the sign of that the person have no clue what theyre talkin bout..
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Post by Confusion on Jun 10, 2005 8:18:27 GMT -8
Thanx!! I hope that's true!! I did after reading his message read some of his poetry... all of which seemed to be about his cat, angie  Also another person commented on the poem and said they disagreed with what he said! Thanx very much for your lovely comments! |
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Also another person commented on the poem and said they disagreed with what he said! Thanx very much for your lovely comments!