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Post by Confusion on May 28, 2005 14:23:53 GMT -8
Did he not realise?
Or did he just not care?
She put herself
Her whole life
To him
Dafne's daisy loved him
There to serve him faithfully
Forever
FAITHFULLY
He didn't know the meaning of the word
'Fallen woman'
Disgust the world
Once lost
Always
Lost
Dafne's daisy loved him
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Post by Ramona on May 29, 2005 7:25:01 GMT -8
I'm not sure where Dafne's Daisy ties in in that poem  The other thing is all your poems follow almost the same format, and it's getting a bit monotonous, I think you should mix it up a little. Now, to the crit on this poem: I like the 'he didn't know the meaning of the word/' line and the end of this poem, but I think the poem would be bette if you extended on it a little more. |
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Post by Confusion on May 29, 2005 7:38:34 GMT -8
yea... it's just something i quickly thought up, the title Dafne's daisy does tie in with the poem.... not in ways shown in the poem but in the people it talks about.
i do need to extend it... it's just a quick draft
i guess all my poems probably are quite similar..... i'll try and write something different soon
thanx for commenting
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Post by Queen of Rain on May 29, 2005 11:36:21 GMT -8
very intresting, agree about title, if you added the connection in the poem it woudl be excellent
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Post by Confusion on May 29, 2005 12:21:33 GMT -8
okay! thanx!!!!
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Post by Confusion on May 29, 2005 12:27:01 GMT -8
i've just edited it very slightly, but it does involve the title now... slightly, all i did was add dafne's daisy loved him in italics a couple a times. any comments?
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