New Story Plot, Critisim Compliements Welcomed

[conversesneaker]

I'm new here and I have a story I started working on recently. But I'm stuck on some parts and I also wanted to know if the story sounded interesting to anyone. No point in writing it, if no one will read it.

Setting: Early 1500's, England. Renassince

A now orphaned(Story starts at mother's funeral) Braelyn, daughter of an earl discovers that her mother and her are witches with the help of a snooty, talking cat, Opal. A boy named Todd(pickpocket about a year older than her) joins her when she runs for it. They find a carnival along the way,Including a blind seer who tells Brae's fortune. While staying in a town though, the sweating sickness occurs and Todd gets it. Brae uses her powers to heal him, and is also discovered as a witch.


That's all I have so far. No idea if it will be a series or what will be the ending yet. Comemnts welcomed!

[conversesneaker]

C' mon, please help!

[cry,crayola.]

oh wow! i just realized this is the same as eariler. well, in that case, i'm still in love with the name Braelyn!

hehe!

[kurai]

I luff the name Braelyn but your plot is kind of weak. no offense. I've seen so many times, and so I would have to say it's cliche. They always have a poor boy who's a theif. Make him something new, something never seen before. Not an elf or some unearthly creature but a human. Add to your plot where did she find how to cure him. Who found her out. What is she going to do. And if she's going to die. Make twists that people won't figure it out without a lot of help and clues. Maybe the sickness could be caused by someone. Maybe by someone she trusts, that no one ever expected. You have to make it yours. People have seen the plot before so you have add so many things to catch their attention. Oh about the talking cat, all witches have cats. Where's the fun in that?

Good Luck,

Kurai

[mswrite]

If you want honest criticism...there are way too many stories about little orphaned girls who are magical and get caught up in magic and such. Yours sounds a lot like Philip Pullman's Dark Materials series (read them if you haven't). Also, you need to develop your plot. What happens when she's discovered a witch? does she run, or does she get captured? how does she get away? it just needs a lot more uniqueness and development.