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Post by vampiressknight on Oct 16, 2005 15:54:35 GMT -8
Prologue
Heaven and Hell. Thousands of years ago, a war began between the two. When Lucifer decided he had had enough of bending down to God, he sent several of his Dark Angels to Earth. They slaughtered several Pure Angels, thus beginning it.
And then on Earth, were the Blood Angels- more commonly known as vampires. Both Heaven and Hell believed having the vampires would aid them. The vampires were strong, no matter how frail looking. Their fangs were sharp enough to tear the flesh of anything. And each vampire could take an animal form at their will. So they each sent agents to meet with the messenger of the vampires- a vampire executive.
When he met the Pure Angel who had been sent, he immediately thought of her as beautiful. But he also expected her to be just as snobbish as any other angel from above. But as he got to know her, he found she was the exact opposite. The two had soon fallen in love, but love between an angel and a vampire was forbidden. So they were forced to meet in secret.
They did very well for the first three years, but then- the vampire’s brother caught him sneaking away to meet her. He forced his brother to tell him what was going on, and was shocked when he found a vampire was in a relationship with an angel- in a deep relationship to be exact. So he rushed to inform the Vampire Princes- the ones in charge. The Princes immediately alerted the four Archangels- those just under God- of what was going on.
The vampire and the angel were sent to pass judgment by the Vampire Princes and the Archangels. The vampire was forced to live with his brother- who he now hated for ratting on him- a crazy kappa, and an angel, who was to keep an eye on him- to make sure he kept away from the angel. And the angel’s punishment- falling from a high status to a fallen angel. She was forced to Earth. That day was the last they saw each other.
Unable to deal with the pain of his loss, the vampire made himself forget the past, and he would not let his brother tell him anything. So his brother told himself he must forget as well. The only one with even a slight memory of the happenings from the years before was the angel. And even he barely knew what had happened. Only that he must keep the vampire from any female angels other than his own lover.
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Post by Ramona on Oct 17, 2005 8:15:09 GMT -8
It could be expanded on a lot more, like add more descriptive words and phrases, and more imagery, because it seems very dry this way. I understand that since it's a prologue it can be just a summary or overview, but it sounds a bit choopy, like it jumps to a bunch of different subjects without any transition, and it kind of leaves the reader confused.
Ramona
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Post by vampiressknight on Oct 17, 2005 11:47:48 GMT -8
It doesn't jump around. I speak about the war, and then I go on to both sides wanting the vampires. Heaven sends their messenger, and she and the vampire executive fall in love.
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Post by Ramona on Oct 17, 2005 14:03:18 GMT -8
I mean it jumps around as in it needs more transition, because you go from one event and then you immediately flash forward to another.
Ramona
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Post by vampiressknight on Oct 18, 2005 3:29:07 GMT -8
Right...Say what you will, I'm perfectly happy with it.
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Post by vampiressknight on Oct 18, 2005 3:31:07 GMT -8
Chapter One
Daemon stood in the living room of his large mansion, frowning. His brother Stephan stood next to him. They had only moved into this house a week ago, yet the furniture was completely set up. Stephan glanced at his brother. “What are you thinking Daemon?” “The last of the half-bloods. It is necessary we find her, and soon.” “I agree, but how?” “Shows how much you know.” “I’ve always wondered about you two. Why are you so concerned with find this, ‘last half-blood’ person?” said Katan as he walked into the room. His lover, Isis, was hanging on his arm. She smiled up at him. “Well Katan, I expect they have their reasons.” “Half-fallen, half-human.” Stephan growled. “She could be useful you idiot boy.” Katan smiled in a way, “Boy, eh? And how is that? After all, I’m over four hundred.” Isis giggled, “You know what he meant Katan.” Daemon glared at them. “You two shut up so I can concentrate!” As soon as he said this, another man darted into the room and tripped over Daemon’s foot. “Kyouki!” Daemon roared, anger flaring in his eyes. The man grinned at him, ignoring the death glare he was receiving. Then he darted out of the room. Daemon stared at the door where he had exited, then shook his head with an annoyed look. He looked down at his table to the map of Temperance, Michigan. Placing his hands upon it, he concentrated on locating a fallen. As he thought harder, he saw the form of a girl sitting at a table. Where is she? He thought, concentrating as hard as he could. Words formed in his head, and he spoke them aloud “White Cloud. She is at White Cloud.” Stephan looked at him blankly. “The teen club?” Isis looked at him, interested. “They have clubs for teens?” Stephan nodded. Katan raised his eyebrows, “And you would know this… how?” The other man blushed slightly. “I’ve been there.” “A teen club? You are over two-hundred!” Daemon glared at them, “Shut up about such petty matters! What is important is finding the half-blood, she will be at this place tonight.” he hissed. “So we’ll go there.” Isis said, venturing a guess. “Yes. I will anyhow.”
****
Christina Taylor’s pale blonde hair hung loosely over her shoulders. She was sitting at the desk in her bedroom, forcing herself to work on her homework. French. To her, that translated directly to evil. She couldn’t believe she had actually wanted to take French for her Foreign Language. She should have chosen something simpler, like Japanese for instance. She had taken to learning that more than French lately. Boku kirai furenchi. She thought. Roughly translated- I hate French. Her walls were decorated with pictures of her favorite things: Johnny Depp, Tom Felton, Harry Potter, horses, wolves, and a whole lot of anime. She glanced up at a picture of Tom Felton as Draco Malfoy from the third Harry Potter movie. God that flick sucked. Werewolf on steroids up for grabs. And Lupin I swear, supposed to be attractive. He looked like my Uncle Gary! She nearly jumped for joy as her cell phone rang, giving her yet another excuse to ignore her French. “Hello?” she said, flipping it open. “Hey Christina.” came an impatient voice. “You ready in there?” “Ready?” she said, confused. “Ready for what?” “To go! You know, with Justin and I?” “Oh… Oh that. Sorry, you’ll have to come in… I’ll change really quick.” She leaped to her feet (standing about 5’6”) and thrust her closet door open. Christina grabbed out a black, knee-length skirt, and a red shirt that read, ’If you don’t know where babies come from, look the other direction.’ After dressing and grabbing her purse, she hurried into the living room. Her best friend Jamie stood there, looking haughty. Christina looked over her, her light brown eyes immediately spotting the stain on her friend’s pink blouse. “Uh Jamie-” Her friend shook her head. “I know, there’s a stain. Justin spilled coffee on me last time I wore it. It’s his fault, so he can’t complain. Now let’s go.”
****
Christina sat at a table in White Cloud, as bored as a person can possibly be. She had by now forgotten why she had even bothered to come. Doing her French homework would have been better than sitting there alone, watching Jamie dance the night away with Justin. Alright, I’m out of here. She stood up and glanced toward her friend quickly before slipping out into the night.
Outside she felt the cool night air, and began walking briskly into an alleyway. Suddenly something happened, and she was knocked off of her feet. She tried climbing to her feet, but felt a sharp pain in her stomach and pressed her hand to it. Feeling something warm and sticky, she looked down and groaned. Blood. She was bleeding. There was a hole in her side. And then she figured it out. I’ve been shot. Oh my God, I’ve been shot! her mind screamed at her, ignoring the pain. She then heard footsteps approaching and felt her blood run cold. She was positive it wasn’t help. And when heard a clink, then saw a gun on the ground in front of her, she was even more positive- if that was possible. Christina felt a hand grab her and gave a frightened whimper. Her vision was going dark, and she was feeling pain now. And then she saw a dark figure leap off of a building. It darted toward them, and muttered a few inaudible words. “Huh?” the guy who had shot Christina said. “I told you to get lost.” the new man said. His voice was chilling. “You can’t tell me what to do!” the man with the gun snarled. “Oh? I can’t?” he sounded bored. “Well then, I’ve no use for you. Good-bye.” He grabbed the man by the throat and lifted him into the air. Christina heard a loud crack before seeing the man drop to the ground, dead with a broken neck. She blacked out as the man turned to her.
****
Several hours later, Christina came to. She opened her eyes, still slightly groggy. But there was no longer a pain in her stomach. She placed her hand on it once more, and realized there was barely a scratch where there had before been a gaping bullet hole. She sat up quietly and looked at her surroundings. She sitting on a soft couch, in a large room. There were many portraits on the walls, of people she didn’t recognize. On the other side of the room was a bookshelf. From where she sat she could make out several titles, such as Edgar Allen Poe’s Complete Works, and The History of Demons and Angels. There was a 24” TV near the center wall, with a DVD player. Next to it sat another, smaller bookshelf, with a lot of games and movies. To the left of the first bookshelf was a hallway. There was a window next to the TV, and it had been left open. A man walked into the room, and looked surprised, “I wondered if you would wake up soon.” He had dirty blonde hair, and brown eyes. His voice was calming, yet somehow disorienting. He stood roughly 5’9”. Christina’s eyes closed, then fluttered back open. His voice really did make her rather dizzy. “Who are you?” she whispered. “My name is Katan.” he replied. “I will return in a minute.” He turned and exited, leaving her alone once more. When she heard voices muttering in the hall, she gasped. She could hear the voice of the man who had killed her attacker. Katan and the other man stepped into the room and Christina shivered. The man had icy blue eyes that made her blood run cold. His black hair was slightly ruffled in the back, and he stood six feet tall. He spoke, a weak smile on his face. He had a slight British accent. “You are up at last. Good.”
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