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Post by paperhouses on Dec 3, 2006 9:56:10 GMT -8
Hi, to anyone who might remember, I'm onemoremile just under a new name... I haven't written any poetry for about 7 months, which is why I became so unactive, but I just thought I'd have a go at writing something again
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Her Gain
She likes to clap out of sync to catch people out, Or watch their frustration as they follow her lead, Adhere to her rules And with such little will they succumb to her power, She likes the ones who resist
I’ve tried to control the crowd from the back of the stands, I’ve tried, but my hands don’t seem to follow my intentions And with such little will I succumb to the power, clap unconsciously to the beat of the masses The pulse laid down by the rhythm of nonentities, I was always too weak to contend
So I fill in the spaces, replacing the lost Stumbling as one to the beat of Her choice, Watching them fall as they submit to that weakness, and knowing its mine; My love, Her gain
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Post by ScarletMornings on Dec 12, 2006 20:41:08 GMT -8
well, for a seven month break, you sure came back well! I really liked this, it was unusual and had good diction and good word usage. and your last stanza was wonderful! very, very good job!
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Post by paperhouses on Dec 15, 2006 7:06:19 GMT -8
Thankyou!
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Post by cry,crayola. on Dec 24, 2006 21:20:08 GMT -8
i like this a lot, actually. i think the only thing would be to maybe strengthen the ending. i love that middle stanza and think, maybe, it just needs to be supported more.
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