Boy

[Ramona]

Hmmm. Experimenting with a new feel. I like this kind of getting-to-know-you-questions-innocence-boy-girl thing, but I think it would be better with a little more added to it. Any comments?

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So, this thing did happen.

But what did it mean?

And is it bad that you used to like her?

And that to me it seemed like she never really liked you?

I don't know.

Do you?

[ScarletMornings]

very blunt, too simple. it needs a lot more work, but i like your idea. add some more and i think it could be very good. it's waaay too choppy and disjointed right now.

[Ramona]

Yes, I kind of thought so, too. Thanks for your comment.

[Queen of Rain]

I can see the idea of this poem.. i can feel how you wanted a certain image but then didnt quite succeed.. the first two lines are perfection.. no fancy diction but this feeling you cant put your finger on.. but it would need a better catching up in the end

[cry,crayola.]

i think you kinda need to drag your reader into a thought more. i like the simple bluntness, but it may be too much.

[Ramona]

Thanks for the comment. It was kind of too short to even form a complete thought, ha ha. But thanks.

[Queen of Rain]

I stand by my commetn above.. In theory just the firt two lines would be enough to form a poem..
Poetry isnt text.. poetry is painting with words!
ITs not too short it just needs work... never underestimate the power of shortness

Like one of sweden's most famous poems contains 27 words.. thats it... its very short but.. its poetry at its best!