Or/Young sighs (modified)

[Queen of Rain]

Hope/subtle flavour (sigh)
there comes a day
when one either get engaged
or sleep with someone else

just to know
where we stand

by night comes
the freedom/illusion

yes, is the earth still spinning at the same phase?
I would run
the other way if I knew
which way
that was

(yes, can I run away
and not see sunrise for a day?)

Meet the woman smiling without teeth
she has simple happiness but maybe no hope
if the world
changes around
as it tends to do (sigh)

So maybe do I
since for love/violence I have sharpened my teeth

For such a long time now

So maybe do I

have that the choice
so primal (sigh)
and delicately savage/mellow

[Queen of Rain]

please?

[ScarletMornings]

i will comment because no one can comment on mine and i know how you feel! lol. this is very, very different, and yet there's something about it that i really like. i'm getting a few random themes in this, and i like that. plus i love the strangeness of the words with a / and in parentheses. my favorite part:

So maybe do I

have that the choice
so primal (sigh)
and delicately savage/mellow

i love the primal (sigh), because i can hear it like it's being spoken. plus i love the contrast that's almost in a pattern of delicately(1st part of contrast) savage(2nd)/mellow(reverts to feeling in delicately). did that make any sense? it's like you go soft, hard, soft, almost. it was neat. but anyways. i really like this, actually. a lot.

[Queen of Rain]

thank you dear, i'm sorry ive been bad on commenting lately but i tend to be online at about 1.30 am and then i cant get much reasonable comments out except for on short poems..

i was unsure about the sighs but i felt they brought together the youth theme and the rhythm.. ive never used the slashes before but here they just fitted so wel in i thought and im glad you liked it... theyre not perfectly presented but ill work on them..

[ScarletMornings]

i nominated this for july's best poem, so if you do want to change anything just tell me and i can modify it in the nomination. i think the sighs were very good and the slashes also.