Gabriel's one nasty bunny.

[slashmaster]

Yeah I wrote this at midnight so it's probably not at all good but whatever. I can delete it in the morning. Right now I want some constructive criticism on it.
Lewis has just killed someone and he is a mortal at this point in time. This someone used to be one of his best friends, Dianna.

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I arrived home and Gabriel was there in his car, waiting for me, lounging back in his seat with the radio playing softly, the car idling to ward off the autumn chill. His eyes were closed in a blissful half-doze, and he did not hear me pull up beside him. I sat there at the wheel for several minutes, staring at my hands, reeling from my passions, my revelations, my murder. Dianna’s dress had ripped in the door. A long strip of fabric lay across the seat tauntingly. I ripped it away and stuffed it under the seat cushion, trembling, and I slowly stepped out of the car, locking it with fumbling fingers.
Liquor.
God. Vodka, maybe, or something strong to wash away this panic that made me shake.
I rapped on Gabriel’s window, and he woke with a start. He stared at me blearily for a moment or two, before a smile broke the cloudiness on his features, and he stepped out of the car to embrace me, kissing me with a warm tenderness I had forgotten about in the harshness of the night before… the screams… the hard rocks and the Cliffside, ending sharply and dropping into a deadly oblivion.
When I did not respond he drew back uncertainly, frowning at me, and caressed me. “Lewis,” he murmured. “What troubles you?”
“I am not troubled,” I said instantly, lowering my lashes to mask my anxious expression, but he knew.
“Do not lie to me, Lewis.” He tilted my face back upwards and I was forced to stare into those firm azure eyes. For a moment I believed he could see my sins, his best friend lying dead, her body broken between the rocks, her flesh just now starting to chafe in the pulsing water, the hungrier sea creatures nibbling away at her face, her fingertips, half-gone and bleeding just ever-so-slightly…
Gabriel, with his arms around me, those eyes, the concerned half-smile on his handsome face.
I began to cry. “Gabriel… oh, Gabriel… I’m a monster…”
“What do you mean? Lewis, do not be ridiculous… pause a moment and speak rationally… please.” He was steering me inside, out of the biting breeze, and I clung to him, all atremble, my knees a fault support – twigs holding up a house.
He fell onto the couch, unable to carry me any further, and I lost my face in his breast.
“I have done a horrible, horrible thing,” I told him. “There is no repentance. My hands reek of blood.”
And these hands, damned and dirty as they were, were being kissed even as I cursed them. Gabriel gazed at me with a loving defiance, tasting the heel, the curve of my thumb.
“These hands do not taste of blood,” he told me, almost coyly, and kissed the center of my palm, holding it steady. “They do not taste like the flesh of the damned.”
“Do not lie to m-me...” I broke off into a moan despite myself, and he had me now on the lips, so that I had to speak between reluctant kisses. “You do not understand what I have become.”
“You are still Lewis, yes?” he breathed in my ear.
“I do not know that anymore.”
“You are,” he said, and I felt the heat of hands on my thighs, suggestive and real. “That is all that matters. You are Lewis.”
“Gabriel, no,” I said, trying to pull myself back, but – oh, he had an arm around my waist now, placing himself just so on my hip, and my protests began to fade. “You have to listen to me… Gabriel…”
“How long?” he whispered to me, and let out a terrifyingly giddy giggle. “A week? A day?” A hand under my shirt, hot on my skin, my stomach, climbing steadily upwards... “An hour?”
“God, Gabriel,” I said, but my voice was gone.
Everything was gone.

[Robin]

Silly Gabriel. Why is he so randy?

"I arrived home and Gabriel was there in his car, waiting for me,"

Maybe 'I arrived home and Gabriel was waiting for me there in his car?' It flows better.

"Gabriel, with his arms around me, those eyes, the concerned half-smile on his handsome face."

I don't quite see the point of this fragment.

"œWhat do you mean? Lewis, do not be ridiculous."

Add Lewis to the end of 'what do you mean' and take it away from the beginning of 'do not be ridiculous.' It flows, sounds, and looks better. Aesthetically pleasing, say thankya.

"my knees a fault support"

Faulty?

That's all I can find. Ees short, senhorrita.

[slashmaster]

Thanks, love. =) I changed it on the document.