The unforgiving Sea

[robbiemiller]

My love is standing by the shore,
I sometimes wonder if I'll see her ever more.
When the anchor's weighed,
And our path is made,
We'll sail about the sea.
But all the while I'll think of her,
Standing there, waiting for me.

Watch the tide as it rises high,
Then lowers as does my heart.
Leaving the shells high and dry,
It pains me to be apart.

We watch the storm in full blow,
Will we come out alive, we don't know.
I see the main mast as it breaks,
And thinking of her, my heart aches.
Seeing the rock as they smash the prow,
Life before my eyes is flashing now.
I think of my love, is she thinking of me?

Watch the tide as it rises high,
Then lowers as does my heart.
Leaving the shells high and dry,
It pains me to be apart.

The Sea Wolf, our beauty of a ship,
Is crashing into the high cliff's lip.
Wondering if my soul'll live here on,
Though I'll rather it be with her, anon.
The unforgiving sea, lashing at the deck,
The salty water almost to my neck.

Watch the tide as it rises high,
Then lowers as does my heart.
Leaving the shells high and dry,
It pains me to be apart.


No feeling in my legs nor one arm,
But I'm hoping that none shall bring her harm.
The last thing I see is the locket from her,
I wish her to remember me,
The lad that she lost to the sea.

[Ramona]

I like this. It started out in a way that made me think of Poe's "Annabelle" for some reason. I like the way it was worded to sound somewhat...old-timey, for lack of a better word. THe only thing I'll suggest is maybe trying to fix up your rhythm in some places, but other than that, I like it a lot.

[cry,crayola.]

yeah, the only thing that bugged me was the rhythm. it just didn't flow as smoothly as it could've. very nice, though. i liked it a lot! i had nice imagery throughout. i like the
"Watch the tide as it rises high,
Then lowers as does my heart.
Leaving the shells high and dry,
It pains me to be apart."