Icarus Wings

[mswrite]

She wants to soar
She wants to fly
Her only relief shall be the open skies
She cries out
And reaches up
And prays for her wings to be strong enough

She rises on waves of fire
The pain and sorrow she leaves behind
She flies and then she smiles
Her Icarus wings will rescue her today

She sails through the sweet air
Gentle gusts caress her wings
She circles as she climbs
Higher and higher
Closing in on the sun

She rises on waves of fire
The pain and sorrow she leaves behind
She flies and then she smiles
Her Icarus wings will rescue her today

But she’s forgotten that her wings can’t endure
She’s forgotten why she left the heat behind
As she passes only inches from the sun
Her Icarus wings becoming liquid fire

She rises on waves of fire
The pain and sorrow she leaves behind
She flies and then she smiles
Her Icarus wings will rescue her today

She plummets through the air
Harsh winds making her so cold
She screams as she falls
Faster and faster
The sun disappears against the brilliant darkness

She rose on waves of fire
The pain and sorrow she left behind
She fell and then she cried
Her Icarus wings have forsaken her today.



If you don't know the mythological story about Icarus, go look it up

I'd like some honest critique, which you all are always good at. I also need some opinions on this one part:

"She rises on waves of fire"
Because fire would destroy the Icarus wings, I think this is a little confusing. I've considered changing it to "she rises on waves of light" but I hate the way that sounds.

[Robin]

Most of this is good, except for the first stanza. That's just very juvenile and something I wouldn't expect from somebody who's written a few poems. I'd expect it from somebody like my little sister.

I did like the poem besides the first stanza, believe me. However, I think you twisted the myth of Icarus too much for comfort. The reason Icarus flew so close to the sun was because he was so enraptured by flying and escape that he wanted to go as high as the gods. He pulled a Leonardo DiCaprio ("I'm king of the world!") and he died for it. Here, she's all emo and is only flying on because she has to, apparently. It doesn't have any of the plane crash feel of the Icarus myth.

While I appreciate people trying to breathe new life into old Greco-Roman myths, I think this just twisted a little too far.

Besides the idea (and the first stanza!) I think this is a neat poem. It's nothing EXTRAORDINARY, but it's good. I enjoyed reading it, and out of me, that's quite a compliment. I enjoy most of the poems on this site, but on most other places you'd think I was PMSing all the time.

[mswrite]

I do appreciate the criticism, and trust me, I'm not offended. I couldn't figure out how to start it and I agreee that the first stanza is lousy. I've always considered myself much better at writing short stories and novels, and poetry isn't my strong suite, but I still like to try.
I do have to say this. Obviously everyone's allowed their own opinions, but just to clear this up. I wasn't trying to recreate the myth of Icarus, I just liked the phrase "Icarus wings" and intended it to mean that her "wings" were made of wax.

Also, as far as why she's flying...
When I wrote it I'd recently been doing some thinking/discussing on the note of people who use illegal drugs to escape their problems. My opinion on that is that it doesn't work--in the end the drugs are going to screw you up. So even though they can escape from their troubles for a time, pretty soon they're going to be forced to face them again.

That wasn't very well worded, but I hope it made some sense.

[Robin]

Ah, drugs. That would explain the pain and suffering.

I could see where you could get that...Icarus was really happy - "high" in a sort of way, and then when his wings melted he was like "oh shit" and crashed.