Guilty Little Pleasures

[ScarletMornings]

The sheen of sweat on my skin
seems only to enflame you more
I drownburnburst in passion
shattering as you shatter
familiar feelings
recognizable releases
I take what I can get
even as I'm hoping you won’t be gone

I slipslide in the warm rain sluicing down my skin
a manufactured modern miracle
then I slim the satin along my body
your burning eyes mentally burning it away
that’s right
you could trace me with your eyes closed
a million miles away
sin sanctified by the naïve, reckless giving of my heart
non-refundable, unfortunately
you’re too addicted to what I embody
heart, innocence lost only with you
daring this emerald dress only because it matters not what others think
I found all the trouble I need in you

The sinuous press and release of our bodies
guides us through the pulsing indoor night
we glide and slip and slide and dip
and my feverish laughter mirrors the excitement bursting within
I go on spinning even when we don’t move
but your eyes are giving and taking more than a dance
whirling me ruthlessly for more reasons than just a dizzy head
slow down, darlin’
I'm gradually catching fire
if you’re not careful I may just start burning
and I don’t want to go home just yet
this dance floor just ain’t the same without lovers

Then she walks in
the flame within my soul stutters
freezes
she tosses her golden head like the rival in a bad movie
but this is more a nightmare because I can’t just turn it off
I suddenly understand how our heroine feels
except she has the guarantee of a happy ending
lucky little lady
she knows our leading man won’t stray
I slowly turn my envy-colored eyes to you,
emerald hard in the artificial light-shot darkness,
hoping all you can see is me, my pain, my damn uncertainty
but of course your eyes are fixed on her
I swallow the heart in my throat and it falls to my toes
she saunters up to us- well, you and I, separate-
grace, sexiness incarnate
and my shadow stumbles in shame at its awkward shape
where’s my sex appeal now?

Your hand lifts off from its frozen perch around my waist
you reach to her as I stand forgotten in the dark
the spotlight’s on you and your gilded lovelostregained
something’s screaming to fight for you
for the easily given, hard kept romance you wrapped me in
but pride gathers me in her dignified tatters
I will never be your damn second best
take one step back, take another, turn now
sling one last glance at my happy ending over my shoulder
before I'm walking away
I hear a gasp from the once hushed crowd,
realizing belatedly we’d created quite the little drama,
and I know you’ve taken her in your arms-
while my back was turned-
ironic that I knew it would happen and turned anyways
oh pride of mine, you are a hard companion

The cold wind of real life slaps me in the face
and tears banked by the dying fire I'd felt rush free
as the barrier is clawed and washed away in the bitter warm night
winter to the scorching heat of true love
now ashes
my heart scatters with them in the breeze
one step more, just take another
I fall against the rough surface of a tree
suddenly exhausted, weak, unable to stand
strange how draining heartbreak is
who knows how long I stood there?
with those heavy, silent tears
standing unaccustomed on my cheeks
I guess I didn’t really believe you’d leave
but my heart’s convinced now, don’t worry
I have to leave but I came with you
but I'm not going back to that again
so I lean against the tree as it snags and frays my delicate dress
protection against nothing- not your eyes or my heartbreak

Suddenly my head is spinning once again
and I'm lost in confusion as the tree seems to take me in it’s grip
contradicting my first impression of it with ones of smooth steel limbs
but my chin is forced up and of course, it’s you
and you whirl me to face her, in all her goldenburningbeauty
I choke out a helpless, panicked laugh, unable to face the comparison
I inhale before the sobs rip out of me, and you breathe with me
then you’re talking and I'm numb to it all and she frowns
I blink
I'm so damn confused and I can’t seem to think
what are you saying?
you’re lying that I'm your wife and we’re in love
but I don’t hear the smug satisfaction that should color your voice
if you’re just taking your revenge
the certainty rings out and echoes a million times in my hollow heart
in my pounding head
and I sag against your strength as she looks at me one more time and walks away
one step, another, until the darkness swallows her

Your lips are on my neck
you breathe my name in my hair
something cool, something heavy slipslides on my finger
your hands flatten satin on my waist, still tingling from your frozen perch there
and I'm held like you’ll never let me go
and you whisper that I’ll marry you
it’s not a question
and you laugh softly, blending it with words
I-love-you’s a balm to a bleeding heart
and you’re telling me your excuses
“We all have our guilty little pleasures
I love to see you jealous
it brings out such a fire in your eyes”
I should’ve known you’d have a perfectly ridiculous excuse
for breaking my heart

[Sparks]

this is great.

very good meter, good gradual motions through the storyline (if you'd call it that).

It is pretty long but it didn't bother me to read through because the way you put it together wasn't old and worn out. Kudos.

[cry,crayola.]

lovely.

i loved the imagery throughout it all. this was brilliance.

the only thing it'd suggest is breaking up a few of your stanzas into shorter ones. some of them are able to do that, and i'm not sure if it'd help it or not. we might just have ta see, eh?

[ScarletMornings]

which stanzas do you think?

[cry,crayola.]

fourth one at "i slowly..." and second to last at "i blink"

i'm not sure if they'd work though. this is your style of writing. i don't wanta mess with it.

[Robin]

This is very warm and sexy. The rhythm is nice and slow and easy, and it just left me feeling very warm and fuzzy inside. A little naughty, too.

"recognizable releases
I take what I can get"

I like this part, but I don't quite like how you followed it. "even as I'm hoping you won’t be gone" just sounds a little too complete for the rest of it. It reads like prose, whereas the rest of the stanza is more broken up. You're expressing complete thoughts the whole time, yes, but you didn't break that one line up as much as you could of. But I almost didn't notice, because "I take what I can get" is so TNT.

"I slipslide in the warm rain sluicing down my skin"

I can't tell if I like this or not. It's not quite as sexy as the rest of the poem: it's more like a miscarriage. Not that that's a bad thing; I liked the imagery here, but the words 'slipslide' and 'warm' just made me feel like I was reading Rose Madder all over again, and Rosie was having her miscarriage. It just didn't quite fit in with the rest of the poem.

"your burning eyes mentally burning it away
that’s right
you could trace me with your eyes closed
a million miles away"

I like how this was very matter-of-fact and snappy, but it managed to keep the warmth of the rest of the poem.

"daring this emerald dress only because it matters not what others think"

I like the idea here, but the way you wrote it sounds like something somebody would write in a rhyming poem to try and force a rhyme. It just sort of breaks the cadence.

"we glide and slip and slide and dip"

Gave me the shivers.

"slow down, darlin’
I'm gradually catching fire"

If I had written this, I would change "gradually" to "slowly" and "catching" to "catchin'." It just fits the rhythm better, and sounds a lot more personal. But maybe you were going for a shock factor.

"Then she walks in
the flame within my soul stutters
freezes
she tosses her golden head like the rival in a bad movie
but this is more a nightmare because I can’t just turn it off
I suddenly understand how our heroine feels
except she has the guarantee of a happy ending
lucky little lady
she knows our leading man won’t stray"

This is a lot more prose-y than the rest of the poem, but it was very insightful, so I was kind of willing to overlook that. However, if it was me, I'd probably break this up a bit or re-word it.

"where’s my sex appeal now?"

Excellente, amigo.

"then you’re talking and I'm numb to it all and she frowns
I blink
I'm so damn confused and I can’t seem to think "

I just don't like how it rhymed a bit here. Otherwise, it's TNT.

"I-love-you’s a balm to a bleeding heart"

Ohhhh. Je s'adore.

Overall, I really liked it. I just think it slipped into a really prose-y kind of thing at the end. I don't mind prose-y kind of poems - I actually do them a lot - but I think it should have been consistant here.

[darktears]

I thought it was breathtaking. It was very good, and I loved it alot. From my first glance, I thought from the length of the poem I would be bored but once I started reading it I couldn't stop because I loved it.

I love the way you describe things so differently.

Very nice job.