Just A few Thoughts

[shadowsglory]

Why am I dying inside?
Even with you by my side I feel so empty.
I know why...
Its not because of the lies I have been told or the bruises on my heart
but because you are with her and not me...
My ego is usually not so bruised easily.
I want to tell you how I feel but I know you will never part with her.
We joke,laugh and play together but never have I felt this before.
It isn't envy,love,hate, but jealousy.
I am jealous of Kelsey...
Yet it doesn't matter what I do or what i say...
It doesn't matter who you end up with ...
This one statement will always be true...
I have fallen for you.
by shadowsglory

[Ramona]

I really don't like this at all. To me, it's just incredibly cliche and there's nothing in there that I think you might be able to use or re-work. It's great that you're expressing yourself, and I'm glad you do, but this one just isn't working for me.

[cry,crayola.]

cliche.

straitforward.

open.

go about it more carefully and ease your way into what you're trying to say with clever wording and imagery. go and take a look at some of the poets just on this site. ramona's excellent about it. so is PM and queen.

[Ramona]

Now I feel like my post sounds really mean, but thanks for the compliment!