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Post by Queen of Rain on Mar 5, 2006 17:53:56 GMT -8
Bittersweet truths you all speak
yet you fail to seek deeper
than sorrow and the mud
I despise poets
I do believe
that those to try and fail
didn't really want it
at all
Pain is so beautiful in your average world
and you havn't seen to have had
enough
So you create it
am I right?
I hate poets
the way you painfully clinge onto
those damn dark days
Human sorrow as your own
isn't it beautiful to have something like that
(There are people who needs the failed attempt
to make someone notice
that their feet are burnt ashes
But you don't see those stories behind)
And there are you poets
who didn't really want it for real
Because you don't scream for help
barely death to feel alive
I despise poets
you self-pitying bastards
I know your secrets
and I do despise
your evertold whimpering stories
the pride you find in manufactured tradgedy
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Post by ScarletMornings on Mar 5, 2006 19:09:12 GMT -8
ooooh. i like. very angry and disabasing, and very provocative to write about poets in a bad lite in poetry and on a poetry site. i applaud your daring. and your great poem!
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Post by Robin on Mar 5, 2006 19:25:09 GMT -8
I like the idea of this, but not how it was presented, not at all. It sounds more like a rant than a poem, and while I have nothing against rants, this was a POETIC rant, or a rant using fancy words and broken into lines, which bothered me.
The line breaks themselves are pretty awkward. I think if you worded some stuff differently, the breaks could work out, but as you have them, it's like you wrote something and then decided to make it a poem, so broke it up into lines. I know you didn't, but that's the feeling I got from it.
Use some fancy shmancy words and fix the line breaks, and you'll have a mean poem here. It sounds kind of Maddoxy, but Maddox would never write poetry. It just made me think of "Christoper Reeve is a self-serving asshole" the whole time. It's kind of neat how you can incorporate the anger and MS/TP, satirical humor into a poem.
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Post by Queen of Rain on Mar 5, 2006 21:31:09 GMT -8
tis quite ranting.. I like my line breaks (have tried a bunch of other) however im not content with my diction, in general i have a problem with words at the moment but i'm working on it.
I'm very glad that it though seems like most poets on this page are not like the ones in this poem.. (however im still waiting for my response on the swedish version of it from a big poetry site with many selfpitying bastard poets)
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Post by Ramona on Mar 6, 2006 8:53:13 GMT -8
didn't really
want it at all
This was kind of an awkward break, but I like the idea you express here.
I hate poets
you self-pitying bastards
I know your secrets
and I do despise
your evertold whimpering stories
the pride you find in manufactured tradgedy
This was just a fantastic ending. Overall this piece was gret, nice and dark and angsty, but without being cliche cutter stuff.
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Post by Queen of Rain on Mar 10, 2006 21:18:19 GMT -8
thank you - modified it a little..
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Post by cry,crayola. on Mar 11, 2006 20:47:19 GMT -8
yeah, there were a little iffy line breaks, but otherwise i loved it. the idea of it all and the feeling that it gave off was amazing. you did such a good job on your poetic rant! hehe! very nice.
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Post by ScarletMornings on Mar 12, 2006 11:24:15 GMT -8
idk, maybe it's just me, but line breaks never ever bother me unless it's just something like glaringly obvious. i was wondering, can i see what the poem was before you modified it?
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Post by Queen of Rain on Mar 15, 2006 17:28:59 GMT -8
sorry havnt got one.. but, if you look at ramonas post youll see how this one weird line break looked..
thanks for your comments all of you!
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Post by ScarletMornings on Mar 16, 2006 12:35:05 GMT -8
hmmm. that didn't really bother me. idk, i guess i just don't really notice line breaks?
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