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Post by Ramona on Feb 21, 2006 8:08:07 GMT -8
As you can probably guess from teh title, this was created with those refrigerator magnet poetry kit things. I bought an anthology of refrigerator magnet poems and thought I'd try my hand at one. -----
this burn has you longing
for wild summer skin
dark smell
of bruised
secrets
wind tendrils of lacelove around her
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Post by cry,crayola. on Feb 21, 2006 19:23:17 GMT -8
hmmmm.........
i think i like this. *thinks* ............
yep. i'm pretty sure i do. just one of those things that makes ya think. nifttyyyyy.......
one thing though..
i think that the 'of' before 'bruised' should be nixed and secrets should be brought up with 'bruised'
otherwise............. yay! i like it!
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Post by Robin on Feb 22, 2006 19:10:49 GMT -8
Yeah. I don't think I could criticize this correctly, because I'm just supposed to think about it, right?
If I had a complaint, it'd be that the third part doesn't fit with the first two parts - it sort of makes it like a distended haiku or something.
And 'lacelove' sounds kind of weird - reminds me of a vampire story I read once - but I think it may just be because 'tendrils' is in front of it, and lace isn't usually in tendrils.
Ah, who cares? It's pretty, and makes you think.
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Post by Ramona on Feb 23, 2006 8:02:34 GMT -8
I thought maybe the "tendrils" sounded a bit too sinister, but I liked the feel of the word.
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