Dreamcatcher

[darktears]

As I awake
And see the rising sun.
I turn to face what catches
My memorys from night to night.

I stare in wonderment
At the thing above my head.
The thing that holds all my dreams
Beneath its leather holdings.

In twined in all it's feathers,
And in twined in all its colours.
My thoughts at night that come out from my head.
Are placed inside this thing.

I wonder how it holds it all.
Because it is so small.
Though I dont know the answer,
Im sure to find out soon.

Because when the moon starts to rise.
And stars begin to glow.
I close my eyes and go to
A place Ive been before.

A place with imagination.
A place with a story or two.
Storys that decide to come out,
Of my head, when Im asleep.

I have no reason to worry,
That my dreams I will forget.
For the thing above me,
Will catch them every night.
My dreamcatcher.

[Queen of Rain]

I like the rhythm in this poem but I think it turns out too unprovocative. You have a great thing youj write about, i think and know you can go deeper with it and use it more a a symbol. The description of what it "does" do feel quite simple in a way, the poem is better in a part where you let the attributes of the dreamcatcher describe it adn its effects
In twined in all it's feathers,
And in twined in all its colours.
are two really brilliant lines, you should keep that style throughout the poem

[cry,crayola.]

i totally agree with queen.

for right now all i have to say that kind of bugs me a bit is the rhyming in stanza 4.

i'll come back to this later.

[darktears]

I made it so simple, because Im handing it in for this thing for school and there only supposed to be simple. But I think Ill just change it a bit and do whatever, make it better.

[Robin]

"As I awake
And see the rising sun.
I turn to face what catches
My memorys from night to night."

This sounds very childish. It's not the best way to hook the reader into the poem. It just sort of makes him brace himself for a really cliche piece. It doesn't mean that the rest of the poem will be bad: just that the reader isn't going to be expecting anything GOOD.

"The thing that holds all my dreams
Beneath its leather holdings."

Not the best description of a dreamcatcher. The only reason this made me think of dreamcatcher immediately was the title and the "holds all my dreams" part.

"In twined in all it's feathers,
And in twined in all its colours."

Did you mean entwined? In twined gets the meaning across, but I'm not sure it's really a word, and I had to read the line a couple of times to make sure it meant what I thought it meant.

"My thoughts at night that come out from my head.
Are placed inside this thing."

You could have done a much smoother job getting this part out. Even some random poppycock about wishes that your heart's making would have been smoother.

"I wonder how it holds it all.
Because it is so small."

Yeah, I also think this rhyming is aggravating. A rhyme scheme should remain consistant throughout a poem: freeverse and rhyme just don't go hand in hand. It would take somebody with oodles and oodles and oodles of power, somebody with the ideas of Poe and the execution of Dickinson to pull that off.


"Im sure to find out soon.

Because when the moon starts to rise.
And stars begin to glow.
I close my eyes and go to
A place Ive been before."

This doesn't quite make sense: it sounds like a weak connector to me. Because if you learn the answer every night, how can you still not know? I'm not saying that poems have to make sense, just that this was a really weak connector. It takes very little brainpower for somebody to logic through it and lose the magic of the poem.

"A place with imagination.
A place with a story or two.
Storys that decide to come out,
Of my head, when Im asleep."

Ah. You shot Falkor. The first lines reminded me of the NeverEnding Story, and then you leapt in with the jagged dream deliveries again.

"I have no reason to worry,
That my dreams I will forget.
For the thing above me,
Will catch them every night.
My dreamcatcher."

This last stanza is adorable. It's a lot more well balanced than the rest of the poem.