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Post by Pseudomuse on Jan 23, 2006 11:03:58 GMT -8
here is the second part. YAY conspiracies with Scarlet!!!
the epigone
II.
((helios apartment))
bright, brain splitting light. golden-apple shafts of sun bathe the garden. she blinks rapidly clearing her vision of all those little stars and lantern-bursts. the back garden is where she strays, letting the tips of grass swipe against her foot soles.
he lounges, gracefully in the shade as only he can do. the lines and planes of his alabaster body naked under her gaze.
(she sighs, in love, perfection.)
his gaze the hue of the heavens tugs her forward, and she was quite mistaken she could ever resist this, even if she wanted to.
she is afraid to touch reigning in her rampaging fingers. if he didn’t move with such fluid grace, if she couldn’t see the way he licked his lips, and breathed her in – she would have swore he was made of just stone.
pressing his blazing lips to her forehead he nuzzles her. she goes limp, and all but forgets her wings. for she is in his garden now.
between his caress of fire and satisfied sighs she knows she has lost all footing her, and wonders - the tingling sense prickling at her skin, raising the tiny white hairs on the nape of her neck - déjà vu.
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Post by Ramona on Jan 24, 2006 8:54:56 GMT -8
This is great, very nice imagery. But I thnk "brain splitting" in the first stanza and "nuzzles" in the second-to-last don't fit with the poetry in the rest of the poem.
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Post by cry,crayola. on Jan 24, 2006 15:06:31 GMT -8
this is nice, but i think there are some very awkward line breaks in here. they're just very uncomfortable.
otherwise, i like it a lot. the imagery is great!
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Post by ScarletMornings on Jan 24, 2006 15:16:21 GMT -8
i personally don't like the line breaks like this as much, but i adore this whole thing and YAY for conspiracies!! hehe!
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Post by Pseudomuse on Jan 25, 2006 15:00:25 GMT -8
Yeah, I fought with the layout out the whole way.
Ramona, thanks for pointing out those words, they do sound icky. I am changing them.
This is currently on my do to list.
Thanks all. PM
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