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Sinking
Jan 19, 2006 9:26:33 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Jan 19, 2006 9:26:33 GMT -8
I found this one in a notebook. It's very short and very cliche and awkward. -----
I watch the tear slide down you face,
I'd comfort you but it's not my place,
I'd tell you I think you're beautiful,
But you know I'm just another fool.
How it hurts to only watch and think,
How I can't stop you before you sink,
How I cannot save you from you,
I wish that I were sinking, too.
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Sinking
Jan 19, 2006 14:57:19 GMT -8
Post by Robin on Jan 19, 2006 14:57:19 GMT -8
It's awkward, but it's still really cute. It just needs to have the lines re-worded to make them flow better.
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Sinking
Jan 23, 2006 14:46:53 GMT -8
Post by Queen of Rain on Jan 23, 2006 14:46:53 GMT -8
Its kinda cliché and lacks imagery.. however the ending is just amazing!!!
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Sinking
Jan 31, 2006 9:36:31 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Jan 31, 2006 9:36:31 GMT -8
Thank you both. queen of rain, yeah I loved the ending, too, I can't really remember correctly, but I think that's what i based the entire poem on.
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