The art of daring to bleed

[Queen of Rain]

I float above pillows
There’s apricot marmalade on the floor
perhaps it now tastes
like your lips
Yet colder,
I hope
for your own good.
But I’m not sure anymore,
once again it’s snowing splintered glass

It looks like someone
turned the world upside-down
shaked it a bit, and walked away

Its all reversed,
as the palms of your hands
when you held them against mine
No, no, I try to remember
it should be present tense

It is not past, because we hold on tight
someone simply shaked our giant snow globe
Yet maybe if we wait here long enough
glitter will start falling from the sky.

We’re trapeze artists with soft safety nets,
where it is a lot easier to be
than up here.
We fly over pillows
and I kiss your soft soft arms
Hoping you’ll give me artificial respiration
now when I have forgotten how to do things the usual way
In silence the marmalade-jar broke
and We trickle away
through the fissures in the enamel.

[cry,crayola.]

wow. W-O-W! i absolutly am in love with this. hiimcindyandimgonnamarrythispiececauseiloveitsomuch. words can't express how i love this, but i do!!!!! i sit here in awe. the title is brilliant, the description is magnificent, it's just...... wow.

[cry,crayola.]

*sigh* i just realized that my post made me seem a tad bit psycotic. i'm not, k? just clarifying that........ i just like this poem lots....... : )

[Ramona]

HA! This is fantastic! I really LOVE the second stanza! Please, can I put this in the HoF?

[Queen of Rain]

Im really flattered thank you!! I originally wrote it in wedish but loved it so much that I rewrote it in english too, i was unsure about the title cos originally it was bleed to beath, in sweden its just one beautiful word, but that phrase ws so, morbid.. so this is whats left..
of course you can put it in the hof, i appreciate it very much

[Robin]

"Hoping you’ll give me artificial respiration
now when I have forgotten how to do things the usual way"

These lines just don't fit into the poem. They feel really out of place.

"We’re trapeze artists with soft safety nets,
where it is a lot easier to be
than up here."

These lines appeal to me, but I know they don't exactly fit in. The "soft safety net" seems like kind of an oxymoron, because safety nets are supposed to give you a true sense of security versus the misleading sense of security that softness brings. Beavers have very soft fur, but if you pet them and think they'll hug you back, you'd be quite mistaken.

"There’s apricot marmalade on the floor
perhaps it now tastes
like your lips
Yet colder,"

The 'yet colder' part feels really out of place, like an afterthought. In some cases, adding a line that feels like an afterthought can be good, but in this case, it doesn't. It just feels very, very awkward.

"It is not past, because we hold on tight
someone simply shaked our giant snow globe
Yet maybe if we wait here long enough
glitter will start falling from the sky"

I think it's supposed to be "shook our giant snow globe," but I'm unsure. I don't like the first two lines of this bit, but the "yet maybe if we wait here long enough//glitter will start falling from the sky" bit was good. The only problem with that is that without the snowglobe part, you can't have the glitter fall from the sky. So I'm indecisive on how you could make this part better.

Overall, it was a good poem. I'm sure it was better when it was in Swedish.

[Queen of Rain]

Thank you for your critisism, i will consider it, yet i don't understand the idea of half the poem not fitting in, i generally write in this surrealistic jumping aounrd way..
I liked your idea of beavers, here however, the couple is up in the air, safety nets are teh alternative.. its comforttable security away from a troublesome relation...
the snowglobe thing doesn't sound right to me in engloish neither, but i dont reallly want to change it too much becasue of the conection with the glitter part (my fav in this poem)