baby doll

[Pseudomuse]

baby doll

she takes his kisses no matter what
whether they be a slap on the cheek
or the press of coldwhite knuckles

she surrenders
her body lax under the onslaught
a carefully coreographed dance
where only two can play the game
(others are banned or squashed
sequestered in silence)

eyes wide open, angel's eyes, slick with
tears blink for every fingerprint
every death of a one-cell organisim

when the days get harder
she wanders into herself
amd destroys any chance
of comforting redemption

ice cream dribbles down
her chin and on to her new dress
the sticky sugar drops are replaced
by wet cleansing kisses eager
to purge

the day she topples the crown
is the day the two sided blade becomes
reality

[Queen of Rain]

Marvellous diction and nice paragraphing.. reaslly nice theme ofcourse too..
Considering constructive critisism I would say the word "whether" starts out the sencond line weirdly, its too fast for the rhythm perhaps.. also I think "angel's lashes" would make a nicer sound in the 3rd stanza... Moreover the ending is to me a bit weird in rhythm, the 2nd line is jsut too long and the diction is confusing?? but maybe thats just me..

In general its stunning, and especially this part I so love;
(others are banned or squashed
sequestered in silence)

[cry,crayola.]

the diction in here absolutly blows me away. the theme is wonderful, too. the only thing crit. wise is what queen said about the word 'whether'. it felt sort of out of place to me. besides that, this is absolutly stunning!

[Ramona]

This is great. I really love the first stanza, adn the imagery in the entire poem is just fantastic.