Kiss-and-Kill

Ramona
Administration

Posts: 1,323

Kiss-and-Kill Dec 19, 2005 17:58:45 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Ramona on Dec 19, 2005 17:58:45 GMT -8

I didn’t break it, it was him.
Blame me for the lost pieces of your heart.
Sticky are your lips,
Like inside-out cordial cherries,
Dark chocolate underneath covered by cherry-red lipstick.
Green-eyed girl, what did you do?

Sorry, but I loved her more.
Torture you by playing into my insecurities.
Dewy is your skin,
Like a fresh-bloomed rose
The color of coffee, smooth and sensual.
Blue-eyed boy, what did you do?

I don’t want either of you anymore.
Both of you said you loved me, but neither of you did.
Just kiss-and-kill,
Leaving me a black widow
Because you said I caused your deaths, when really you died to each other.
This brown-eyed girl has made up her mind.

Last Edit: Dec 20, 2005 14:07:33 GMT -8 by Ramona

"Hold my head inside your hands.
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears.
For you I've waited all these years.

For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come,
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come and set me free.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me."

Pseudomuse
Senior Writer

We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer.

Posts: 489

Kiss-and-Kill Dec 20, 2005 8:15:39 GMT -8

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Post by Pseudomuse on Dec 20, 2005 8:15:39 GMT -8

oh my jehovas witnessness and coffee crumb cake...this was oh so good. Absolutely loved the line about cordial cheeries and the idea kiss-and-kill is great kinda of in the same veine of the blue murder, murder blue one.

I am not sure about the word descended in the last stanza, the word seems out of place not strong enough.

much love
PM

You'll never be quite the same again after that Bible you've been thumping all these years finally has enough and beats the living s**t out of you. - Horoscope in "The Onion"

I thought you just said we were done doing things the stupid way.

If you want to call me that, smile.

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

Ramona Administration Posts: 1,323	Kiss-and-Kill Dec 20, 2005 10:29:26 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Ramona on Dec 20, 2005 10:29:26 GMT -8 Thank you. On that part I was going to put "when you really died to each other" but i wasn't sure if anypone would understand what I meant by that. So I changed it.
	"Hold my head inside your hands. I need someone who understands. I need someone, someone who hears. For you I've waited all these years. For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come, Until my day, my day is done. And say you'll come and set me free. Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me."

Pseudomuse Senior Writer We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer. Posts: 489	Kiss-and-Kill Dec 20, 2005 10:43:15 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Pseudomuse on Dec 20, 2005 10:43:15 GMT -8 hmmm...I like of like 'when you really died to each other' something like that I feel would work more, but that's just my opinion.
	You'll never be quite the same again after that Bible you've been thumping all these years finally has enough and beats the living s**t out of you. - Horoscope in "The Onion" I thought you just said we were done doing things the stupid way. If you want to call me that, smile. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

Queen of Rain
Senior Writer

I'm Swedish, that should explain it all..

Posts: 614

Kiss-and-Kill Dec 20, 2005 11:10:15 GMT -8

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Post by Queen of Rain on Dec 20, 2005 11:10:15 GMT -8

I love the word descend, but maybe died would work better... sooo brilliant darling.. teh diction, the imagery, the analysis-ability (neologism for that

)
Also the play with rhytm emphasises gorgeous line.. my favourite?? "Sticky are your lips".. so stands out and really effective... lovely

A ship in a harbour is safe, but that's not what a ship is built for

darktears Moderator I Don't Want to Mourn Our Love...But I Have a Feeling I Have too... Posts: 345	Kiss-and-Kill Dec 20, 2005 12:05:45 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by darktears on Dec 20, 2005 12:05:45 GMT -8 I love this very much, it's so good and descriptive, very well written I must say.
	Chorus I like to drive away from all troubles. After I conquer all my fears. You don't know anything about me. I'd like to leave it that way. I'm not broken.

Ramona Administration Posts: 1,323	Kiss-and-Kill Dec 20, 2005 14:05:53 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Ramona on Dec 20, 2005 14:05:53 GMT -8 Thank you so much. I think I will change it to "died."
	"Hold my head inside your hands. I need someone who understands. I need someone, someone who hears. For you I've waited all these years. For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come, Until my day, my day is done. And say you'll come and set me free. Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me."

Post by Ramona on Dec 19, 2005 17:58:45 GMT -8

Post by Pseudomuse on Dec 20, 2005 8:15:39 GMT -8

Post by Ramona on Dec 20, 2005 10:29:26 GMT -8

Post by Pseudomuse on Dec 20, 2005 10:43:15 GMT -8

Post by Queen of Rain on Dec 20, 2005 11:10:15 GMT -8

Post by darktears on Dec 20, 2005 12:05:45 GMT -8

Post by Ramona on Dec 20, 2005 14:05:53 GMT -8