Victory

[ScarletMornings]

Triumph
I crushed them all
never stood a chance
because tonight I shined
you watched with wide eyes proud
while my smile stretched tight
my lips drawn back almost to a snarl
as I went all the way
victorious

Winner
I'm on a roll
can’t get enough
addicted to the brightlights
and lying words of them all
because I know they’re true
if insincere
and you warn me but I ignore
because I'm unstoppable
unbeatable it seems
victorious

Conqueror
I'm slaying them in droves
they collapse before me
in the sharp arc of my glory
everyone smiles when I'm around
turning their backs carelessly on the fallen
and I don’t see you anymore because you’re behind everyone
tending to the dying as they gasp their last
someone laughs and I'm caught by the sound
I am the hero again
victorious

Victory
again
so much repetition
Another flashbulb goes off
and my eyes dance with the faces
of those I’ve slaughtered on my way
all the toes I’ve stepped on
all the dreams I’ve treaded on and crushed into dust
just call me killer
and I look around for you
but there’s so many brightlights
I'm blinded but now I see
you’ve been gone so long and it brings it all into view
a hero doesn’t break dreams, but builds them
I win again but fail
victorious no more

i don't really like this one, so constructive crit, por favor? i don't know, i seem kinda slumpy lately apparently. help me out, pwease! ;D

[somewhatpoetic]

you’ve been gone so long and it brings it all into view--this doesn't seem to fit so well...maybe shorten it or somthing...but i like the poem in general.....and with the word victorious you can never go wrong...lol

[Ramona]

I like this because it tells about another side of glory and victory. If someone wins, then someone loses, you know? Very nice.

[cry,crayola.]

i totally agree with ramona on this one. i just really didn't feel the thrill of being victorious. this is one of those things that i read and then i forget easily, no offense. make it stick in someones head. like me and forest dark. that stuck out. make this stand out, too. i dunno how to explain what i'm trying to say, but there it is.

[onemoremile]

It's a good poem, as yours always are, but I've definately seen you do better. The first two and a half stanzas are very similar, so it doesn't really grab you and stick with you, as cookies4breakfast said. Also, I love the point you're getting across, but you seem to put it quite... bluntly. I don't know if that really makes sense... I can't find the right words

However, I still think it'sa great poem! 'a hero doesn’t break dreams, but builds them' - beautiful line, definately my favourite