Grooves carve deep

[onemoremile]

another crummy, clique poem... but hey, it's the best i can come up with today...

Grooves Carve Deep

The rain dashes off the window
Lost its patter so it seems...
Bouncing silently off the pane
To stain a sodden ground below,
Each drop desperate to make its own, individual, mark
But enveloped by too many more...
Bouncing off that pane of glass
Or perhaps a deeper pain?
Natures echo of the salt droplets within
Or else geographical structure?
Pane or Pain it makes no difference
For the quiet dripping is not heard
Too discret to notice,
Insignificant to all
For when the sun rises all will be forgotton
No trace left
Save the streaks down the wall
Which no one can remove
For they carve th deepest wounds,
Healed only by another weeping child
Who's world too was lost in storms...


I think i'm getting worse at poetry...

[Ramona]

I don't think you're getting worse, I actually really like this. The ideas presented in it are so cool, how you relate it all to rain is just amazing. I love the second-to-last line, it really pulls the poem together.

[ScarletMornings]

i absolutely agree! rain can be SUCH a cliche topic, but i really love the way you presented this. the imagery was sooo vivid and it was something i can relate to, just watching the rain. and i loved the use of the ;ane/pain idea. that was fantastic in my opinion. all in all, i really adore this poem. i love rain, and this made me really think about it and i think it was a wonderful idea you presented. from "no trace left..." and so on from that point was fantastic and i agree with ramona that it seems to really pull the poem together. i think this is awesome, wonderful work!
oh, and just a note, i LOVE your diction and the words and phrases you use. they are so unique, i esp. like
"The rain dashes off the window
Lost its patter so it seems...
Bouncing silently off the pane"

but i just think the WHOLE thing is fanatastic esp. the phrasing and the imagery and the diction. GREAT job!

[cry,crayola.]

i like "pane or pain it makes no difference" a lot.
i really did like this. yes, it is a cliche topic, but i still love it!!!!!!

[Queen of Rain]

No this is brilliant!!!! I love the symbol rain when it is used well and here it is great.. i really adore how the rhythm is bouncy and emphasises the setting! Every line seems well thought about, thats the way to go girl!

[onemoremile]

thankyou!! Do you think I should change the title to No Trace Left? I don't really like the current title...

[darktears]

I really like this too. I also love how it sounds so like bouncy and stuff. I just can picture this in my mind, and I love when I can do that with things, it seems so great. I just love this, very well done!

[cry,crayola.]

i like grooves carve deep. it just kinda makes you think more.