The Mourning After

cry,crayola.
Senior Writer

yeah, i'm lame.

Posts: 569

The Mourning After Nov 25, 2005 14:49:09 GMT -8

Quote

Post by cry,crayola. on Nov 25, 2005 14:49:09 GMT -8

after all is said and done
the yelling
the screaming
the constant nagging
you walk away
away from this corrupt world

and after everything is still troubling you,
its ringing
its echoing
its etching this moment into you head forever
but you walk away

into the woods you go with.....thoughts
they're confusing
they're meddling
they're convincing you to do it
and you continue to walk away

we couldn't find you, darling
we searched
we called
we prayed to god you would show up
but you had already walked away.

on a string, your neck was.
dangling
hanging
lifelessly there for all to see
you walked away.

and now, the mourning after.
the tears
the agony
the reasons as to why.
why?
you had simply walked away.

tell me what you think, please. t'would be mucho appreciated.

hopless stray prone to wander.

crycrayola!, warrior; lest the blind lead the blind.

cry,crayola. Senior Writer yeah, i'm lame. Posts: 569	The Mourning After Nov 25, 2005 15:42:12 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by cry,crayola. on Nov 25, 2005 15:42:12 GMT -8 ok, i didn't really like this one. constructive crit. pweas???
	hopless stray prone to wander. crycrayola!, warrior; lest the blind lead the blind.

ScarletMornings
Administration

http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/ednamillay/7278

Posts: 1,061

The Mourning After Nov 25, 2005 20:58:11 GMT -8

Quote

Post by ScarletMornings on Nov 25, 2005 20:58:11 GMT -8

cindy. seriously, this is AMAZING. when i first saw the title i thought you'd misspelled morning wrong. BUT NO! you have this amazingly fantastic concept of the MOURNING after. that is absolutely brilliant in my opinion. BRILLIANT. my only suggestion is maybe you could spice up the language in a couple places. but other than that.. THIS IS JUST A WICKEDLY AWESOME CONCEPT! BEAUTIFUL!

"Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave,
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned."

-- Edna St. Vincent Millay,
from "Dirge Without Music"

Go to the link and read it!

Ramona Administration Posts: 1,323	The Mourning After Nov 27, 2005 18:43:00 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Ramona on Nov 27, 2005 18:43:00 GMT -8 WOW! I really LOVE this poem! It's an original idea and the repetition of the first words is artful. Can I put it in the HoF? I love how you made it the "mourning" after instead of the "morning" after. I love this poem so much!
	"Hold my head inside your hands. I need someone who understands. I need someone, someone who hears. For you I've waited all these years. For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come, Until my day, my day is done. And say you'll come and set me free. Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me."

Queen of Rain Senior Writer I'm Swedish, that should explain it all.. Posts: 614	The Mourning After Nov 28, 2005 1:07:16 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Queen of Rain on Nov 28, 2005 1:07:16 GMT -8 Usually poems about suicide suck.. but you show your talent by making this one brilliant!!! the morning/mourning and the repetition of thw walked away, (which isnt a selfpitying word) makes this poem so effective!!
	A ship in a harbour is safe, but that's not what a ship is built for

ScarletMornings Administration http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/ednamillay/7278 Posts: 1,061	The Mourning After Nov 28, 2005 13:38:55 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ScarletMornings on Nov 28, 2005 13:38:55 GMT -8 woo hoo! i agree with queen of rain! that was what i wanted to tell you but forgot! yes! anyways.
	"Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave, Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned." -- Edna St. Vincent Millay, from "Dirge Without Music" Go to the link and read it!

cry,crayola. Senior Writer yeah, i'm lame. Posts: 569	The Mourning After Nov 30, 2005 5:11:08 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by cry,crayola. on Nov 30, 2005 5:11:08 GMT -8 wow. i feel special now. hof............ coolness.
	hopless stray prone to wander. crycrayola!, warrior; lest the blind lead the blind.

Post by cry,crayola. on Nov 25, 2005 14:49:09 GMT -8

Post by cry,crayola. on Nov 25, 2005 15:42:12 GMT -8

Post by ScarletMornings on Nov 25, 2005 20:58:11 GMT -8

Post by Ramona on Nov 27, 2005 18:43:00 GMT -8

Post by Queen of Rain on Nov 28, 2005 1:07:16 GMT -8

Post by ScarletMornings on Nov 28, 2005 13:38:55 GMT -8

Post by cry,crayola. on Nov 30, 2005 5:11:08 GMT -8