There are words so unattractive, Cherié (Revised)

[Queen of Rain]

I told you he had been cheating on me,
again, Cherié
'That's sad'
You said with a voice soaked in sympathy
Big grey flowers grew above the garden table
creating a solar eclipse while you sipped your rosé wine

Because its everything but sad
It is sad when a fourteenyear old popmusic girl
cries to radio songs, believing she will never love again
as the boy of her dreams
belongs to someone else
It is sad when a woman in her fourties awaitens her husband
every day
every year
in the kitchen with dinner ready
every day at five
even though he is always late from work

You wear black sunglasses and I want to laugh my Cherié
Because its nothing and that's sad,
Cheating and Sad, what unattractive words,
The way the moon touches the sun makes me think
of beautiful words, like Rendez-vous
yet I suppose that’s not in your vocabulary
Your unintelligence once again strikes me,
the only thing you notice is your greyening hair

I think you are the one he slept with last night
You know, the smell of your hair
still lies in his pillows
You try to think faster than you can
instinctively trying to create all those lies
that almost
but just almost
would make an innocent picture

And maybe that's the sadness in it all
The solar eclipse remains but the darkness is just for you, Cherié

You wear the black sunglasses of dramatic mourning,
I watch the beauty in the contours of the corona

The brilliant details are so much more original than the everyday sunset
I put on a seductress' red lipstick and go to meet my young scandinavian lover
One could say he adores me
but that word is just another word
too cliché to seize the truth

You know, Cherié
There are things more important than words

[Queen of Rain]

A few ideas came to my mind but grew into this, which wasn't what I exptected but its pretty original.. Its just a draft, still i wanna get the words Rendez-vous and cliché and more description of the ohter woman.. but that will have to come.. I would love to hear what you think about this first..

[ScarletMornings]

i think this is fantastic. i love the impressions and pictures it creates, and i think it's a fantastic plot. i just would like maybe a little bit more explanation, i guess? idk, i don't really see that much wrong with it!

[cry,crayola.]

yeah, i'd have to say just a little more clarity in what you're trying to tell us

[onemoremile]

Brilliant, as always. I love the way you can take an event you originally say is not sad, but then make a fantastically sad poem! It really made me think about what sadness really is and how we always use sadness as a pathetic excuse for something that is nowhere near sad... does that make sense? i think I said sad a few too many times... My only comment is that I think that the ending sounds a bit out of place... i like the idea of it, but it doesn't fit in with the rest of the poem... then again, i quite like it like that...

[Queen of Rain]

Well I really want that ending as the woman is'nt sad.. I don't see how you see the poem as sad.. (I hate the word sad..) because she sees the beautiful contours of the corona..
Its the other woman who is sad, and the protagonist lets her be that..
I wanted to make something provocative but ill try to explain a bit more..

[onemoremile]

i feel sad because of the other woman. It's sad how people can't see outside their own little bubble. It's sad how lightly someone can say 'that's sad' without meaning what they say (as at beginning) - it's sad how they say it for no reason but for want of nothing else to say. It's sad how shallow sadness is these days. Maybe that's not how you meant the poem to be, but that's how I saw it... i suppose part of a poem depends on the mood of a reader when they read it. If they feel sad, they make the poem feel sad...

[Queen of Rain]

I mean as soon as a poem is published its meaning lies in the reader not the poet..
but actaully it seems like you got the idea i wanted to put forward..

[Queen of Rain]

ok so i revised it.. thank you all for you help

[ScarletMornings]

i really loved this either way, i think both are fantastic, though if you were trying to get the idea of the other woman's shallow use of "sadness" i think you should have left it the way it was before in the beginning of the first stanza. but still, A FANTASTIC POEM!

[Queen of Rain]

Ok so how should I change the first stanza?? should I keep Cherie, but change the sentence "You said with a voice soaked in sympathy"?

[ScarletMornings]

yeah, i liked it better the first time, i know, but i can't remember for the life of me what it said! i guess i'm having a mental meltdown? ugh!

[cry,crayola.]

no, i like it lots more now! i can just imagine this girl and the setting, and, i dunno how to explain it! i like it alot.

[Queen of Rain]

Thank you.. what i personally like about this poem is the tone, think it is much due to the setting though...

[darktears]

Oh, I love this so much! It's just so different(once again, I hate that word) but so good. I don't know what I like about it, I just do. Ooh, so nice.