Serendipity

[Ramona]

Serendipity.
All the random pieces coming together
in one beautiful, enlightened moment.
Did you used to believe, too?

Serendipitous.
Two random people coming together
in one beautiful, foolish moment.
Did you think we weren't too young?

I named the child Poetry, after the sound of your voice.
She speaks with spinning infinity, just like the look in your eyes.
She loves like the trees love the sun, just like they were the day we were together.
The day we became serendipity.

Was it really random?
Or is random not random at all?

She was born the first of October, just like you might've wanted.
She looks at the sky and puts it back together, just like you might've wanted.
She showed me all is beautiful, just like we might've been.

[ScarletMornings]

very, very emotional and beautiful. i love the words and the ideas, esp
"She was born the first of October, just like you might've wanted.
She looks at the sky and puts it back together, just like you might've wanted.
She showed me all is beautiful, just like we might've been."
the second two lines are my fave especially. a fantastic piece.

[behindTHEmask]

This piece is gorgeous. I'm in love with the way you worded everything. Third stanza is my favorite.

[Ramona]

Thank you so much, both of you. you guys make me happy (I seem to be happy a lot, don't I?)

[Queen of Rain]

That was soo beautiful!! Extremely deep with an AMAZING flow and rhythm!! Its extremely unioque and interewsting and probably the best thing you ahve written
as constructive critisism
You use the phrase "random people" and it jsut feel a bit weird, like unbeautiful compared to the rest, liek the word people is so unpoetic
also the sentence
"Did you used to believe" really confuses me..

[Ramona]

Well, I wanted to use "random people" because I wanted it to sort of echo my definiton of sreendipity, but I'll see if I can improve that. And as for the "Did you used to believe?" part, it's suppose to spark off a bunch of questions about what he used to believe in. Like did he used to believe in serendipity, did he used to believe that they could be together without problems, did he used to believe that what they had was real? That kind of stuff. Anyway, thanks for the crit!

[Queen of Rain]

its just the grammatic formulation "did he used to" that maeks me confused somehow
the idea is brilliant..

[cry,crayola.]

i like the questions you put in there. it makes it seem different, a good different. i like this a ton!