The Tree Forgot the Sky

[onemoremile]

I can't seem to write anything good at the moment, but I thought I should try seeing as I haven't posted in a while... it's a first draft, because I find that when I can't write poetry, I can't go through it either ... ah well, here goes...

The Tree Forgot the Sky

I can't see the sky,
Its wide empty space
Full of colour;
But empty.
Empty of life, empty of matter
Empty.
Yet I can't see it
Trapped from it's freedom,
Something so vast hidden by
something so small...
The clutter of tiny leaves
Blocking the whole sky
That tree full of life
Covering the sky full of nothing
But it's beauty hides the freedom of the sky
How can beauty hide freedom?
Engrossed by small beauty and forgetting our choices,
Ignoring those empty spaces...
But all trees will fall,
The sky will remain

[Queen of Rain]

I looove the idea in this one... However sometimes you get too simplistic like "empty of life" and similar, its jsut like overexplaining it and takign away some of the mysticism? THe ending really is the best.. I think the poem deserves a better formulated introduction line

[ScarletMornings]

i think it is fantastic, but i agree a with queen of rain. sometimes the words are too simple.

[Ramona]

I love the concept behind this one but in some parts you get kind of...blabby, like you use tooo much rpetition in the "empty" part. I really love the ending.

[onemoremile]

thanks, yeah, I know what all of you mean, the problem is, I have no emotions at all in this poem, and if I have no feelings at all for it, it's hard to make it sound good... if I really don't care about this particular poem, is there any point in me trying to improve it? I don't know whether to abandon it or keep going...

[ScarletMornings]

awww. that makes me really sad. if it could just improve a little bit, i think this is potentially a FANTASTIC poem. but if the words and the emotion just aren't there, i guess you can't do anything. i would put it aside and come back to it later. that's what i do when i have the idea but no words or emotions for it at the time i come up with it.

[onemoremile]

i'll try that, maybe i'll be more inspired in the spring when there are leaves on the tree again...

[cry,crayola.]

yeah, empty is a tad too repetitive.