Didn't take the label off

[onemoremile]

Err, ok, this is a bit wierd, because I was staring at a label on my cushion and it made me think... first draft, the language is really simple I know, but hey, I just wrote it and I don't think I'm really in a poetic mood!

Luxury faux
Mongolian cushion
Purple
(45cm x 45cm approx.)
The Home Store

I always leave the labels on
Just in case I want to take it back
You never know.
I've had that cushion for 4 years now,
Maybe it's too late to get a refund
But I'll leave the label on,
Just in case

You had me for about 4 years too
But my garuntee musn't've run out
Because you took me back and complained.
Did you swap me for a newer model?
Or just get your money back?
Your freedom back.
Your life back.
I hope I was a good deal...

Why did you take me back?
Was I broken, stained
Getting old too soon?
Or did you decide you didn't really like me that much?
Didn't fit afterall?
Didn't fit hanging off your words,
That's not in fashion anymore.
I hope that's the reason,
Because then they can put me back on the shelf
Instead of the reject pile.
And I'll wait for some other man to take me home,
Maybe they'll take my label off,
So they can't take me back,
They can't just get a refund

[ScarletMornings]

wow. i actually really like this. i think this is a very creative and interesting idea. i like it a lot, i guess you could improve a little bit on the language, but other than that this is fascinating!! i love the little part at the beginning with like the cm. and stuff. nice. very nice.

[Queen of Rain]

Wow intelligent thought and very unique..nice flow 3rd stanza is a little weak in diction but I guess that comes with a first draft! keep up the good work

[darktears]

That was really cool, I really liked it. It was so different and unique, like who would ever think of writing something about a pillow? Amazing where people get ideas from. That was really good, I enjoyed it. Good Job.

[behindTHEmask]

Very creative idea, contrasting her keeping the tags on to take things back and him taking her back.

Super.

[muzikishappiness]

This was amazing. Like darktears said, it was different and unique. You dont see poems like this anymore. I really like this.

[Ramona]

I really love this, the concept is just amazing, and I like that you started it with the description of the cushion. The only thing I'd like to change is that maybe you could make it longer and expand on the idea a little bit more, because to me it seems like it was just so short for something like this that could be expanded on more. Other than that, it was awesome.

[onemoremile]

thanks, i'll keep working on it. I'm not good at writing long pieces without starting to ramble, but i'll try!

[cry,crayola.]

i dunno.......... i didn't really like the first stanza. it was a little weird feeling, but i guess i see how it's needed in for the rest of it. i do like the way it is unique and different. it's just that first stanza........ i dunno. i guess i'm weird like that.