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Post by ScarletMornings on Sept 16, 2005 13:27:11 GMT -8
Before the sound of your yelling dies away I am there echoes of the noise in my ears ringing only to find there’s nothing like always but I, like always, come running anyways
My faith misplaced somewhere in the dusty recesses of the boy you were I am so unorganized it’s killing me because every time you say it you give me back the heart I lost must have been with my faith and then I find out there’s nothing I guess it makes you feel special pretending you have something to give you don’t you always wanted the center of attention
I don’t know why you spend so much time out there in the woods fighting your ghosts like some modern Robin Hood practicing archery in the forest on his soul be careful you don’t destroy yourself along with your ghosts why do I have to be the virgin sacrifice to the dragon in the woods did anyone care how much she got hurt? too bad you’re more a wolf than a dragon at least the virgin didn’t care about him
But I'm getting stronger and one day after you have cried wolf, my ironic symbol of love, too many times no one will come and you will have to face your demons on your own and you’ll be left howling at the moon keep crying, wolfboy we’ll all stop running eventually trust misused can be a cruel mistress
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Post by Ramona on Sept 17, 2005 9:25:19 GMT -8
Totally OUTRAGEOUS. Only thing, the end was great, but the last line seemed kind of out of place. Like it breaks the flow. Other than that it was fantastic.
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Post by ScarletMornings on Sept 18, 2005 10:36:51 GMT -8
what do you think i should do to touch up the end? the last line seems out of place to me too, but i like the idea behind it. any suggestions on how i should rephrase it?
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Post by Queen of Rain on Sept 19, 2005 11:36:50 GMT -8
Its really different and deep, i like it
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Post by Ramona on Sept 20, 2005 7:59:09 GMT -8
Maybe leave it like that and then say somthing else, something simple but evil in it's simplicity, something along the lines of "It's a cruel world" to end it, you know? I know I'm probably not making too much sense, but I tend to do that.
Ramona
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Post by cry,crayola. on Sept 20, 2005 16:02:54 GMT -8
some places, it seems like you broke phrases. like they're just kinda out there and they should be connected to the line before. just kinda choppy, i guess. ramona up there makes a good suggestion. i agree!
~Sewage R.A.T. (lol)
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Post by ScarletMornings on Sept 26, 2005 15:15:42 GMT -8
okay, i touched up the end a little. do you think it's still off? i like it a lot better than the other ending, but i'm not sure.....
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Post by Ramona on Sept 26, 2005 15:22:51 GMT -8
I think that ending is great. It fits in with the rhthym and it sounds good.
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Post by ScarletMornings on Sept 26, 2005 15:24:01 GMT -8
sweetness
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Post by Ramona on Sept 27, 2005 8:11:59 GMT -8
I almost typed 'it sounds well.' Then I realized that that didn't make sense.
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Post by ScarletMornings on Oct 19, 2005 21:10:07 GMT -8
lol
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