|
|
Post by Queen of Rain on Jul 6, 2005 12:59:11 GMT -8
The most beautiful eyes,
the purest of hearts
and I cannot love you
I’m no adventure-searcher
no bad-boy-lover
Yet maybe you are too much
yoo much of a virgin of life
But only maybe,
my lack of loving
comes from so much more
Too much
of a virgin of life
Too many innocent heartaches
and now I’m wrapping this gift
To you
inherit my bruised role
- You are everything I looked for
And there is no passion
No passion
in my eyes
Numbness
in my fingers
Beautiful stranger,
Virgin of life
it's no mistake leaving
like lovers always do
Cos its so much worse to stay,
to try to try
There is nothing to find
Finally I can comprehend
Too much
of nothingness
Suppose that I now
realise how they all felt
or more
Did not feel
I am the leaving lover
Because there is too much of nothing
and the only thing
I’ll ever know
is that I have no love
to give to you
Bye, bye, baby
with the purest of hearts
which title should i chose, and any other comments?
|
|
|
|
Post by Queen of Rain on Jul 16, 2005 7:55:09 GMT -8
guess ass no one comments this poem isnt very good? or, feel kinda ignored cos i cant improve it if no one comments... middle of first stanza has to go but i dunno what to oput instead...
|
|
|
|
Post by roxiecheerchika on Jul 16, 2005 10:15:05 GMT -8
I am soOoOo sry for not replying to yours...I try to get to everyones. Well i acutally like the poem except maybe the 3rd stanza? to me it seems out of place....But thats just my opinion..i think i kinda puts a bump in flow of the poem...other than that though i really like it alot! It has so much passion. The sadness of feeling like you love this person so much but you think you have nothing to offer them..that they are to good for you and are better off with someone else...its very romantic and powerful...also i kinda of like Leaving Lover as a title...it seems to fit more...
|
|
|
|
Post by roxiecheerchika on Jul 16, 2005 10:16:48 GMT -8
Also I just noticed something else you put in your comment about the middle of the 1st stanze having to go...i think it should stay i like it...its gives me the feel of the poem so i can understand right from the begining your emtion in all of it...i really like it.
|
|
|
|
Post by Queen of Rain on Jul 16, 2005 10:37:54 GMT -8
im glad u like it.. but actaully i dont lvove this guy, i wud soo expect myself to do so but i have no emotions at all for him, so suddenly the roles are switched and I now break a vacation flings heart, jsut like guyus usually do with me.. i wrote this to try to understand how i felt, or actaully rather Did not feel..
|
|
|
|
Post by roxiecheerchika on Jul 16, 2005 14:03:40 GMT -8
lol...I feel kinda silly for getting it mixed up then..then i guess maybe if its not the meaning i thought then what you wanted to take out might actually work taking it out...Even though I kinda didnt get the meaning... It still is a great poem...It flows well and i really do like it!
|
|
|
|
Post by Queen of Rain on Jul 16, 2005 15:14:57 GMT -8
i appreciate when my poem means something to the reader, it is always the reader that comes to analyse the poem, that it comes to mean something to..
|
|
|
|
Post by Confusion on Jul 17, 2005 6:19:15 GMT -8
nothing to find i think is the better title!
I loooooooove this, can relate to it so well! My fav bit is the first stanza, i think that's great!!
|
|
