He Couldn't Tell, I Guess

ScarletMornings
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http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/ednamillay/7278

Posts: 1,061

He Couldn't Tell, I Guess Jul 3, 2005 21:46:28 GMT -8

Quote

Post by ScarletMornings on Jul 3, 2005 21:46:28 GMT -8

He always said
'love is all you need'
and he'd peer at me
to gauge my reaction
but I never noticed
and he couldn't tell,
I guess

and I'd drag him to
every sappy, romantic movie
I could
and stare at him
when he didn't know
but he always just watched the screen
and rolled his eyes
and he couldn't tell,
I guess

And he'd take me to dinner
and order whatever I wanted
and then he'd buy me dessert
and pay the bill
and he'd watch me
out of the corner of his eye
but I just ate my dessert
and he couldn't tell,
I guess

And when we danced
I would always lay my head
right on his heart
and wrap my arms around him
and peer up at him
from under my eyelashes
but he just hummed softly
his cheek on my head
and he couldn't tell,
I guess

And then he left
walked out the door
while I watched him
tears in my eyes
if love is all you need
why did he go?
I was wrapped in his shirt
and I was opening my mouth
to say the words
because I finally noticed
I hadn't out loud
He couldn't tell,
I guess

Last Edit: Jul 3, 2005 21:54:00 GMT -8 by ScarletMornings

"Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave,
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned."

-- Edna St. Vincent Millay,
from "Dirge Without Music"

Go to the link and read it!

ScarletMornings Administration http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/ednamillay/7278 Posts: 1,061	He Couldn't Tell, I Guess Jul 3, 2005 22:00:41 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ScarletMornings on Jul 3, 2005 22:00:41 GMT -8 I don't know how good this is, please give me some opinions.
	"Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave, Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned." -- Edna St. Vincent Millay, from "Dirge Without Music" Go to the link and read it!

Confusion Senior Writer Posts: 518	He Couldn't Tell, I Guess Jul 4, 2005 3:05:50 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Confusion on Jul 4, 2005 3:05:50 GMT -8 wow!!! this is great!!!! so powerful! just amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!! great job!!
	"One day I'll be a rainbow belly just like you," she whispered in his ear, "I'll cover painful scars with the brightest tattoos. I want to be a rainbow belly just like you."

ScarletMornings Administration http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/ednamillay/7278 Posts: 1,061	He Couldn't Tell, I Guess Jul 4, 2005 17:49:37 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ScarletMornings on Jul 4, 2005 17:49:37 GMT -8 aww, thanks! i'm exaltin you.
	"Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave, Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned." -- Edna St. Vincent Millay, from "Dirge Without Music" Go to the link and read it!

Confusion Senior Writer Posts: 518	He Couldn't Tell, I Guess Jul 5, 2005 7:34:59 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Confusion on Jul 5, 2005 7:34:59 GMT -8 yay, thanxies!!!
	"One day I'll be a rainbow belly just like you," she whispered in his ear, "I'll cover painful scars with the brightest tattoos. I want to be a rainbow belly just like you."

Ramona
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Posts: 1,323

He Couldn't Tell, I Guess Jul 5, 2005 15:03:30 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Ramona on Jul 5, 2005 15:03:30 GMT -8

It was a very good poem, the repetition was very well place, and the imagery was fantastic, because so many people can relate to it and know exactly what you're talking about. I think the whole concept was gret, and kudos to you for an excellent poem.

"Hold my head inside your hands.
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears.
For you I've waited all these years.

For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come,
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come and set me free.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me."

Confusion Senior Writer Posts: 518	He Couldn't Tell, I Guess Jul 6, 2005 7:15:03 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Confusion on Jul 6, 2005 7:15:03 GMT -8 what are kudos
	"One day I'll be a rainbow belly just like you," she whispered in his ear, "I'll cover painful scars with the brightest tattoos. I want to be a rainbow belly just like you."

Ramona Administration Posts: 1,323	He Couldn't Tell, I Guess Jul 6, 2005 11:47:33 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Ramona on Jul 6, 2005 11:47:33 GMT -8 Kudos? Like props to you (compliments.)
	"Hold my head inside your hands. I need someone who understands. I need someone, someone who hears. For you I've waited all these years. For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come, Until my day, my day is done. And say you'll come and set me free. Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me."

Ramona Administration Posts: 1,323	He Couldn't Tell, I Guess Jul 6, 2005 11:48:27 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Ramona on Jul 6, 2005 11:48:27 GMT -8 Well, don't exalt me just because I'm being a whiner, unless you want to, then by all means, go ahead
	"Hold my head inside your hands. I need someone who understands. I need someone, someone who hears. For you I've waited all these years. For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come, Until my day, my day is done. And say you'll come and set me free. Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me."

ScarletMornings Administration http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/ednamillay/7278 Posts: 1,061	He Couldn't Tell, I Guess Jul 6, 2005 19:41:37 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ScarletMornings on Jul 6, 2005 19:41:37 GMT -8 i suspect i'm missing sumthin.
	"Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave, Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned." -- Edna St. Vincent Millay, from "Dirge Without Music" Go to the link and read it!

Confusion
Senior Writer

Posts: 518

He Couldn't Tell, I Guess Jul 7, 2005 7:56:27 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Confusion on Jul 7, 2005 7:56:27 GMT -8

free-spirited said kudos in this thread and i askd her what it meant, i think it was a different thread that she said she wanted to be exalted so i exalted her.

Free-spirited i didnt just exalt you for whining, it was for great poetry!

"One day I'll be a rainbow belly just like you," she whispered in his ear, "I'll cover painful scars with the brightest tattoos. I want to be a rainbow belly just like you."

Queen of Rain
Senior Writer

I'm Swedish, that should explain it all..

Posts: 614

He Couldn't Tell, I Guess Jul 7, 2005 12:48:22 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Queen of Rain on Jul 7, 2005 12:48:22 GMT -8

I looove the idea.. the effect of the "he couldt tell" hting rould however be even more effective if you didnt use it in every paragraph, instead binding it all together with that line to make the reader realise that he didnt notice it all.. also by that repetition it makes it seem like its all his fault and it seems though like the narrator also has a rolee in the neglection of this relationship thus showing a depth to the poem in the topic of failure in communication..

A ship in a harbour is safe, but that's not what a ship is built for

ScarletMornings Administration http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/ednamillay/7278 Posts: 1,061	He Couldn't Tell, I Guess Jul 7, 2005 20:29:38 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ScarletMornings on Jul 7, 2005 20:29:38 GMT -8 queen of rain- which parts should i leave the "couldn't tell, i guess" out of? what should i put so i seem as responsible for the problem as him? help!
	"Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave, Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned." -- Edna St. Vincent Millay, from "Dirge Without Music" Go to the link and read it!

ScarletMornings Administration http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/ednamillay/7278 Posts: 1,061	He Couldn't Tell, I Guess Jul 7, 2005 20:30:04 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ScarletMornings on Jul 7, 2005 20:30:04 GMT -8 well, i guess not "me" actually, but u know what i mean. lol.
	"Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave, Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned." -- Edna St. Vincent Millay, from "Dirge Without Music" Go to the link and read it!

Queen of Rain Senior Writer I'm Swedish, that should explain it all.. Posts: 614	He Couldn't Tell, I Guess Jul 7, 2005 23:36:42 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Queen of Rain on Jul 7, 2005 23:36:42 GMT -8 no 3 and 4.. those are also i would say the weaker stanzas of the poem as they seem as if the wording is not as perfect as in the other stanzas...
	A ship in a harbour is safe, but that's not what a ship is built for

Post by ScarletMornings on Jul 3, 2005 21:46:28 GMT -8

Post by ScarletMornings on Jul 3, 2005 22:00:41 GMT -8

Post by Confusion on Jul 4, 2005 3:05:50 GMT -8

Post by ScarletMornings on Jul 4, 2005 17:49:37 GMT -8

Post by Confusion on Jul 5, 2005 7:34:59 GMT -8

Post by Ramona on Jul 5, 2005 15:03:30 GMT -8

Post by Confusion on Jul 6, 2005 7:15:03 GMT -8

Post by Ramona on Jul 6, 2005 11:47:33 GMT -8

Post by Ramona on Jul 6, 2005 11:48:27 GMT -8

Post by ScarletMornings on Jul 6, 2005 19:41:37 GMT -8

Post by Confusion on Jul 7, 2005 7:56:27 GMT -8

Post by Queen of Rain on Jul 7, 2005 12:48:22 GMT -8

Post by ScarletMornings on Jul 7, 2005 20:29:38 GMT -8

Post by ScarletMornings on Jul 7, 2005 20:30:04 GMT -8

Post by Queen of Rain on Jul 7, 2005 23:36:42 GMT -8