Hold me, please

Confusion
Senior Writer

Posts: 518

Hold me, please May 9, 2005 13:12:41 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Confusion on May 9, 2005 13:12:41 GMT -8

There you are
Both of you

I watch you
You kiss each other

You love each other?

He leans in
He whispers to you
You smile
You entwine your hand with his

What did he say?

I watch you
I watch everyone

Surrounded

Surrounded by your romancing
Everywhere, there you are

Yet no one for me
Still no one for me

Someone be mine
Someone hold me

Please?

Last Edit: May 21, 2005 0:30:08 GMT -8 by Confusion

"One day I'll be a rainbow belly just like you," she whispered in his ear, "I'll cover painful scars with the brightest tattoos. I want to be a rainbow belly just like you."

Confusion Senior Writer Posts: 518	Hold me, please May 19, 2005 7:55:14 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Confusion on May 19, 2005 7:55:14 GMT -8 ......... is it realli so bad that no one can comment???
	"One day I'll be a rainbow belly just like you," she whispered in his ear, "I'll cover painful scars with the brightest tattoos. I want to be a rainbow belly just like you."

Queen of Rain
Senior Writer

I'm Swedish, that should explain it all..

Posts: 614

Hold me, please May 20, 2005 10:44:39 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Queen of Rain on May 20, 2005 10:44:39 GMT -8

i have really started to wonder the same thing lately.. but i just havnt commented since ive had my final exams and stuff, but now its over so now i at least can comment even more on poems...

this poem has a great idea, i looove the tone that is not, what usually wud b expected in this poem - only jealosy, just a pledge to anyone which is a very realistic feeling...

i think that it can be defveloped especially the imagery and the language, the picture you build up with surrounding is excellent and could be further emphasised, rhythm works well..

A ship in a harbour is safe, but that's not what a ship is built for

Ramona Administration Posts: 1,323	Hold me, please May 20, 2005 16:35:39 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Ramona on May 20, 2005 16:35:39 GMT -8 This one was really good. Beautiful in it's simplicity. It conveys so many feelings with so little words.
	"Hold my head inside your hands. I need someone who understands. I need someone, someone who hears. For you I've waited all these years. For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come, Until my day, my day is done. And say you'll come and set me free. Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me."

Confusion Senior Writer Posts: 518	Hold me, please May 21, 2005 0:30:50 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Confusion on May 21, 2005 0:30:50 GMT -8 Thanx!
	"One day I'll be a rainbow belly just like you," she whispered in his ear, "I'll cover painful scars with the brightest tattoos. I want to be a rainbow belly just like you."

Post by Confusion on May 9, 2005 13:12:41 GMT -8

Post by Confusion on May 19, 2005 7:55:14 GMT -8

Post by Queen of Rain on May 20, 2005 10:44:39 GMT -8

Post by Ramona on May 20, 2005 16:35:39 GMT -8

Post by Confusion on May 21, 2005 0:30:50 GMT -8