Post by behindTHEmask on Dec 16, 2004 12:53:58 GMT -8
Sweet Nothings
"The bitterness of my heart has once again overpowered."
"The bitterness of my heart has once again overpowered."
You don’t honestly think I’m going to believe you. After every lie you’ve told me, I’m not going to think you’re stating the truth now. I’ve worked myself to the bone trying to forget about you. I spend endless hours of sitting in a chair, talking to some women about how I can’t get over you. It costs me one hundred and twenty dollars an hour to get you out of my head, and hear you are again, whispering sweet nothings into my ear. My heart is motionless now when I think of you, but when you say those three words, my heart beats like it had when I loved you.
But I don’t love you. I’m functioning better with you gone.
Last Tuesday you sent me a letter explaining that you’re coming back. You are returning after all those years of ecstasy. You’re making my world fall apart again. Slowly, it’s melting away like the wicked with Dorothy murdered. It’s hard enough to look at myself in the eyes, and forget how you’d tell me that they’re beautiful. You said they reminded you of the first star you ever saw. You apparently could get lost in them forever. Well, I hope you’re happy, now I’m lost with you.
My imagination surprises me sometimes when I’m walking down the street. I always think I see you. My stomach flip-flops at the thought, and I try to duck away. No, it’s not because I wish I saw you, and it isn’t because I want you back. I’m ashamed of what you’ve turned me into. I’m a coward who doesn’t want to fall in love again. I can’t handle it. I can’t afford it—emotionally and financially. I’d end up dead in my car, blood dripping off the vinyl seating. The barrel of the gun would be gouged into my heart, so it could physically stop beating.
You aren’t worth it to me. I’m not going to pretend that you make everything okay.
I’ve decided I’m sticking with my gut; I’m not going to believe you. I know you just want to get to me, turn me back into what I was when we first met. That bubbly girl who smiles because life is beautiful—life’s worth living. She isn’t here anymore, and she isn’t coming back. You destroyed her. I just watched as you did so.
We may both be at fault here, but I will always blame you for everything.