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Post by darktears on Mar 14, 2005 7:55:21 GMT -8
Once Again, You Call to Me.
Once Again, You Cry.
You Never really seem to be,
The Girl Inside you Tries.
Now I know Once Again,
Who Really Are.
Your Nothing, But the Dieing End.
Inside A Moving Car.
So I Take A Step Backwards.
Into My Old Life And Friends.
Then I Know, Between You And Me.
This Really Is The End.
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Post by Queen of Rain on Mar 15, 2005 8:09:32 GMT -8
the honesty in this poem is what I find its strongest feature, also some lines are excellent. starting every word with a capital letter and the poem sort of becomes a bit to unpoetic sometimes.. hmm middle stanza is the absolute best one..
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Post by frontpagenews on Mar 15, 2005 19:14:34 GMT -8
Oh how I wish it were this easy in life...anyhow the poem is alright, could have some stronger imagery and the rhymes are forced in a few places but not too shabby all in all. I like the last line soo much its just kinda...shouhgijg
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Post by Sparks on Mar 16, 2005 15:27:08 GMT -8
I think mostly this just needs some grammar and spelling checks... ie., Dieing = dying, "Who Really Are" doesn't technically make that much sense...
But I get what the poem is about. It's angsty and that's not a bad thing. It's actually quite good when done right.
I would just, I don't know add a couple more stanzas maybe and work out what you want to say so it is a bit more concise.
Peace and Love
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Post by darktears on Mar 16, 2005 15:47:05 GMT -8
I'm sorry for the spelling mistakes...I was kind of rushing a little bit...I had to catch the bus for school.
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Post by Sparks on Mar 16, 2005 15:51:00 GMT -8
Aw, spelling mistakes happen.
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