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Post by Ramona on Dec 18, 2004 12:20:53 GMT -8
Okay, I wrote this a while ago, for a friend of mine whom I liked. Then he, like, moved and stuff. I know I've posted this before, but we've gotten new members since then. So yeah.
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Always breathing in your laughter,
Freckled with the sun.
Infectious as it is moving,
Freckled with my love.
Maybe I don’t believe in Fate,
Freckled with free will.
But I do think I love you,
Freckled with doubt still.
I love the way you talk to me,
Freckled with emotion.
I love the way you look at me,
Freckled with devotion.
I love the way you make me laugh,
Freckled with your care.
I love the way you say you miss me,
Freckled with despair.
I love the way you are.
Freckled.
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Post by Ramona on Dec 20, 2004 10:30:49 GMT -8
Guess no one wants to crit, eh?
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Post by Sparks on Dec 20, 2004 13:30:37 GMT -8
I like it a lot. It rhymes and flows well, and the repetition doesn't get boring - it actually changes every time. I thought the ending was maybe a bit abrupt... But I wouldn't go so far as saying you should change it. Great work  |
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Post by darkangel on Dec 20, 2004 16:42:59 GMT -8
i like it!
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Post by Ramona on Dec 31, 2004 17:22:50 GMT -8
Thank you both, and to Sparks; I thought the same thing, too. I just couldn't figure out a better ending. Thanks, again.
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Post by usgeisha on Jan 1, 2005 4:43:00 GMT -8
I LOVE THIS POEM!!~
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Post by usgeisha on Jan 8, 2005 22:12:10 GMT -8
I REALLY LOVE THIS POEM!
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Post by Ramona on Jan 9, 2005 15:07:47 GMT -8
Thank you very much.
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Post by quilleh on Jan 17, 2005 15:31:26 GMT -8
*Dies* My GOOOSH. This is /amazing/. I adore the repeated use of freckles in different meanings, and how I can relate to absolutely no end. I LOVE this poem, Sticky. *Lays at your feet* I love you.
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Post by Ramona on Jan 17, 2005 15:35:00 GMT -8
Thank you so much. So rad.
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Post by quilleh on Jan 17, 2005 15:41:59 GMT -8
You are /very/ welcome. Suu m00fing cool.
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