this is a poem i wrote for pipe dreams

[Pseudomuse]

i got inspired, so i wrote a poem based on the name of this site, Pipe Dreams. its in the editing process but i thought i'd post in anyway. enjoy.

~ pseudomuse

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Pipe Dreams

exotic tastes burn alive on the tongue
shoving the user to new ecstatic heights
swirling winds of purple, blue, and green
caress soft white fingers
entwined in themselves
entwined around thoughts
ideas
emotions
perforated holes dig into crevices
crusted with inflammatory dust
pilfered stains of paint splattered muses
scampered for ideas and idioms of
youth
white is the soul
carved into like a petty prisoner
caged for too long
black blossoms on ivory skin
in hues of sea-foam, sky blue, and heliotrope basking in the light of the creator
splayed are the colors then
when bickering furies come to call
ripping, maiming, shredding
everything
slowly the pieces entwine themselves back together
enduring the pain of criticism
backwards into the mind they crawl
pipe dreams of purple and gold
safe until the exotic tastes of newfound land
licks at their sores

[Sparks]

This is very descriptive. I think it covers the tangled notion of Pipe Dreams very well.

safe until the exotic taste of newfound land
lick at their sores

I'd just like to let you know I instantly thought Newfoundland.
Anyways, this is the ending, right? I'd say this is what should bear the meaning of the song, or where it ends, a high note, a low note, or no note at all.
I like how this one ends. Safe. Safe for another night, or something. The only problem I have with this is the grammar, and that could be easily corrected, by saying "The exotic tastes", or "licks".
It looks like I"m going from the bottom up here.
Looking over it again, I just have a few comments, not really any critique. I like how it starts, almost like something spicy. I think the way you organized the lines was important in this particular poem, and it worked out very well.
Overall, good work.

[usgeisha]

I agree with Sparks--it was really descriptive... I could see images in my mind! Good job!

[dominicmonaghan]

wow, i love the description, it sounds really good. i'd love to see the revised version!!