SugarWater

[Pseudomuse]

hey kids, here something i started ages ago and decided to finish. yeah. i finished something. its e.e. cummingsesque and inspired by the idea of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which was great by the way, or atleast i thought it was. it has a another name but i dunno which is better SugarWater or SugarWater of My Eternal Sunshine. ah crap this is not working, i cant get it to format right, oh well.

SugarWater
AKA SugarWater of My Eternal Sunshine


[the] thick sugartastes
of the placebo inch saccharine
along my tongue
you are here
yet you are not 
here
is this madness
induced by 					loss
of sleep
and of
you
the placebo spreads like a virus
snaking its way through
perforated veins
pillaging memories
of you
of me
of us
us together
it takes but doesn’t give
and leaves a sense of knowledge 
once had
that now remains spent and missing
in the empty crevices of [my]
agnostic mind 
empty of
you 
me
us 
especially me
part of my psyche has just vanished 
leaving me speechless 
longing for
a touch
						a brush
even something				
						carnal
						exotic
						erotic
just something 
to make me 
let me
enable me to
feel something
that’s not this
and the placebo helps me
forget
forget about					you
me
	about us				
us together
as it grips me like heroin
diffusing my emotions into rubble
you say 					goodbye
i say 						goodbye
we say	goodbye
we say 						goodbye together

[louise]

Nice! a very original aproach! I really like it. The only thing I don't like is the ending (you say goodbye, i say goodbye, we say goodbye, we say goodbye together) There is something odd about it. There is something that makes that it doesn't seem part of the poem, but that you just needed an ending, any ending. Too bad, 'cause the rest of the poem is really great an deserves an original an great ending.

[Pseudomuse]

thanks again. i wish it would format properly. oh well. but yeah i know what you mean about the ending, i am still trying to work out something. thanks again.

lurf PM

[ScarletMornings]

Well, I really liked it.