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Post by quilleh on Jan 23, 2005 11:25:48 GMT -8
Hey guys, 'tis an older piece of mine, which is still untitled. Let me know what you think, mmkay?
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Fear,
Stared down into submission,
Stared down to veil the hurt.
Sheltered as an enemy,
Never known,
Unprofessed.
Redundant love ballots,
Spirits frail beyond conviction,
Devastated dreams,
Unable to be reclaimed,
Spent from all deliberation.
Numbing our sentiment,
Our fear.
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Post by louise on Jan 23, 2005 11:59:20 GMT -8
It is nice, but nothing more than that. I think it hasn't enough power/feeling... you know what I mean? I should feel the fear, it is now just (nice chosen) words
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Post by quilleh on Jan 23, 2005 12:09:56 GMT -8
Yeh, I don't think it is one of my better writings, but thanks anywho for the comments. I'm not sure as to how to better it; maybe it is just a wash.
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Post by ScarletMornings on Jan 26, 2005 21:31:29 GMT -8
I definetely have a few wash poems, but I don't think this is one. I liked it, but I agree it almost seems like just words, though it has the potential to be something really good i think. I liked it, though. ;D
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Post by quilleh on Jan 27, 2005 7:30:07 GMT -8
Well thanks...I'll work on it; then perhaps repost it. Thanks for the input, guys. ^_^
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Post by ScarletMornings on Jan 27, 2005 15:34:47 GMT -8
I didn't mean it was bad or anything, I really did love it!!
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Post by quilleh on Jan 27, 2005 15:39:37 GMT -8
Don't worry, I didn't really take it that way, I just recognize it needs some work. ^^
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Post by ScarletMornings on Jan 27, 2005 15:55:34 GMT -8
shoo. I'm glad, because it kicks my poetry's butt. i really love your work.
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