|
Post by Ramona on Jun 11, 2005 16:30:58 GMT -8
Wow, I actually revised something when i said I would. I'm totally proud of myself. ----- Crooked teeth in a squinting smile, Hair tousled from a spin, Fingers just a bit too long, You’re too late to begin.
Flawed knees set on bony legs, And manners unrefined, Got a kind of goofy laugh, You tend to fall behind.
Wrinkled shirt unchanged for days, Arm scraped because you fell, Always drags me into things, Secrets you just have to tell.
When I sing myself to sleep, You are my laughing song, You don’t have to be perfect, Just so you’ll belong.
|
|
|
Post by Confusion on Jun 12, 2005 2:47:24 GMT -8
WOW! I love this now!!!!!!! It's great to read something that doesn't suggest love has to be perfected! just one suggestion; goofy seems out of place in this poem.. how about changing it to ludicrous or gelastic? great poem!!
|
|
|
Post by Ramona on Jun 12, 2005 14:44:17 GMT -8
Thanks, but to me ludicrous or gelastic would seem more out of place beacuse it's supposed to be a simple poem. Something with plain launguage and a plain meaning, ya know? Thanks for the suggestions, though!
|
|
|
Post by Confusion on Jun 13, 2005 7:27:54 GMT -8
your welcome, nice poem!!!
|
|
|
Post by ScarletMornings on Jun 22, 2005 10:13:31 GMT -8
i love this. it is very simplistic and sweet. great job.
|
|