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Unknown
Jan 9, 2005 15:06:33 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Jan 9, 2005 15:06:33 GMT -8
This is just some dumb thingy I wrote last night for no reason, I honestly think it's crap. Any suggestions?
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And so I watch,
With broken heart,
The one I love,
My work of art,
He holds your hand,
And I’m alone,
Clouds stand still,
Sun hasn’t shown.
At least they’re connected,
By one rainbow,
Could we be like that?
We’ll never know,
Condensed to rain,
They float on by,
A single tear,
Leaves my eye,
It falls to the ground,
It could be rain,
No one can tell,
Nor know my pain.
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Unknown
Jan 9, 2005 18:39:35 GMT -8
Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 9, 2005 18:39:35 GMT -8
It's not crap. I like it. It could always be longer and more envolved, but it's not crap.
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Unknown
Jan 10, 2005 15:38:45 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Jan 10, 2005 15:38:45 GMT -8
Well, I didn't like it. But, thanks.
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Unknown
Jan 17, 2005 15:19:01 GMT -8
Post by quilleh on Jan 17, 2005 15:19:01 GMT -8
I fancy how you relate the weather to how you're feeling. Maybe thats odd, but hey, I think it works with what you're trying to say. The poem isn't crap, it's meerly muddled here and there. ^_^
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Unknown
Jan 17, 2005 15:21:16 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Jan 17, 2005 15:21:16 GMT -8
Thank you.
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Unknown
Jan 26, 2005 21:23:49 GMT -8
Post by ScarletMornings on Jan 26, 2005 21:23:49 GMT -8
Hmmm, I think I need to start being more current, because I find by the time I read stuff, everybody has already said what I want to. I DON'T think it was crap,
maybe a teensy, weensy, tiny, tiny, little-bitty bit cliche, but there's enough variety in there for it not to really be. I loiked it(that means i love/liked it) Good job. ;D
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