The taste of kisses

[Queen of Rain]

So beautiful so wild
So beautiful so wild

He's so young and pure
he does no longer ask why
he's sleeping in her bed again
You see there's no truths in the world
that she can't change with her words

She's beautiful, she's high
the truth is just another story
Back to her liquor tasting kisses
You can get high if you try
So beautiful so wild
So beautiful so wild

Its the feeling of heavy rain
against her skin
on the just same place
as a snowsstorm embraced her sin
'I bumbed into my old friend Jack'
Getting drunk in the company of old friends
she's not in his bed tonight

Yet
the truth is just another story
Back to her liquor tasting kisses
You can get high if you try
So beautiful So wild

The taste of touch
just by the smell of her body
Deja vu of something
that havn't quite been
Yet theyre both quite sure
it will happen again and again

So beautiful so wild

[Robin]

The repetition in this piece annoyed me. It was just overdone. I don't mind repetition, but in this piece you repeated a line that wasn't that good in the first place, and repeated it in places that didn't quite make sense.

What might help is if you composed a melody for this song. It would bring a sense of unity to the piece and help us to figure out if the repeition is really such a bad thing.

Or, better yet, you could just sing the song for us and put the song file up for us to listen to. It's hard to tell a lot of the times with songs, because they're songs. The Ballad of the Boy in the Red Shoes looks really stupid on paper, but when Elton John sings it, it comes to life.

[Queen of Rain]

I love how you always sounds ultrea negative in ur critisism.. somethign ive worked on for hours and you wont make a comment upon whats good in it.. thank you.. you really know how to make ppl feel useless

Originally it ran "so beautiful so high" but I figured wild was more appropriate.. that line does have a melody and will be sung by a sopran.. the rest will be sung by the musician, a tenor (who happens to be my boyfriend..)
most likely it will be a ballad with streetsounds and drumrhytms, it will probably take a few months before th music is close to ready tho..

[darktears]

I have no idea what Robin is talking about, I love the line So Beautiful So Wild. I think there is absouletly nothing wrong with this. It needs a tiny bit of work, but that's all. It's very good. Nice job.

[Ramona]

Yes, I also must disagree, "so beautiful so wild" is just such a beautiful and wild line (ha ha, sorry, I couldn't resist...)

[Queen of Rain]

Thank you

[cry,crayola.]

i really think the repetition forms the piece. it give it an extra something of emotion. emphasis can be a great thing, especially in songs.

i wanna hear this someday, if the music ever gets written.

[Ramona]

I really love the third stanza.

[ScarletMornings]

i adore it. completely.

[Queen of Rain]

Thank you darlings..