I need help finishing this song

[muzikishappiness]

I have a great chorus (I think) and I've worked out piano instrumentals and guitar riffs (because I can play them both) for this chorus, but I've found it impossible to write lyrics even halfway decent. Could anyone help me?? Please??

By the way, it doesn't have a title...yet.

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(Chorus)
Everyone's mad for what I've said or done
My question is why I've never won
And even though you've deprived me of fun
At least you know that I'm alive
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I have some written lyrics for this...but I'd rather not post them, they are so god-awful. If you really want to see them, I could go ahead and post them...but only if it's necesary (sp??)...?? please.

The chorus is kind of sarcastic, but with truth in it, you know??

The theme is about how no matter what I say its never right and my thoughts are always struck down. How I'm second best. How I sacrifice everything to make you happy (even if it makes me sad) and all you ever recognize is that I'm alive...like I'm unworthy of existance or something.

I'm a metal-head, I like HIM, Disturbed, System of a Down, Marilyn Manson...so the style of this is kind of harder rock, in case that gives you any clue in the right direction.

Could someone help me with the verses?? I just need a "boost" in the right direction, inspiration, or if you'd actually like to compose them yourself thats fine too, I'd definately be sure to give you credit as a co-writer.

Please. I really think this song has potential, if only I could finish it. Thanks again.

[darktears]

I would actually like to see the other lyrics if you don't mind posting them.

[cry,crayola.]

me dos. always easier that way. then critique can be given. : )

[Ramona]

Yeah, I'd like to see the lyrics, too.

[muzikishappiness]

Okay. Here's what I have (dont be brutal...haha). Its not really in any particular order, seeing as I just kind of trashed most of what I had and restarted, and restarted, and restarted...

First of all, this first verse was written by a friend of mine, Anna, so...just to give her credit on that.

All we need are more lies
To hide the truth unspoken
All we need is more pain
To break the hearts unbroken
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-I actually dont have a problem with this verse, but I dont know how I can make it connect to the chorus

I've never quite understood
The reason behind your hate
You strike me down time and time again
I'll just have to deal with it...that's fate.
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*pukes* Need I say more?? haha...I just dont think it flows very well and the lyrics for this verse I wrote seem just...a little overplayed, and kind of childish in a way. I dont know...

You say it isnt a label, its a promise instead
But I think its just another way of discrimination
You lay your cards upon the table, as my heart becomes dead
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The last line, I think is okay, but it doesnt have the right rhythm. Not all my songs/poems rhyme, sometimes I dont want them to, but I got in a mood where it just "had to rhyme" -ever felt like that??

It was a secret, and you'd promised not to tell
I trusted you to keep it, but you made my life a hell
Secrets become rumours, and rumours become lies
To you its mere humour, but I've seen them look in my eyes

They dont treat me like before
They dont like me anymore...
And its all your fault
Thanks for being the bitch you are
You always were, but you went to far
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This last piece, I consider my best, personally...and I still dont think its all that great....

Thats all I have for this particular song.

Thank you all for helping!!

[darktears]

I actually don't like hate this.. I don't know if I like this part: I've never quite understood
The reason behind your hate
You strike me down time and time again
I'll just have to deal with it...that's fate.

I don't know why I don't like it..I mean I just don't like it as much. It seems awkward to me for some reason.
But anyways, I don't know why you hate the rest of it so much, it's not that bad at all. So keep working at it.

[Ramona]

I dunno, it all seems very emo to me, and I'm just not good with that kind of thing. I'm usually a rather happy person, so I'll just leave before I make a fool of myself. Sorry I can't help.

[muzikishappiness]

Aw, thats okay Ramona, thanks for trying to help at least!! :-) Yeah, most of my poetry/songs are pretty emo...Its off topic but my friend was joking about starting up an "Emo Army" and she said I should be the leader...haha. I said if she called me emo one more time I'd kick her dog, but I kind of know its true.

Darktears, do you really think its not as bad as I make it out to be?? -Maybe I'm a little to hard on myself then...I dont know I just feel that I could do so much better for this. Thanks very much for the encouargement!! :-) A few positive words can really change my outlook on it, like a thought that, at least, someone doesnt think its bad.

Maybe since we both dont like
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I've never quite understood
The reason behind your hate
You strike me down time and time again
I'll just have to deal with it...that's fate.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe I'll just omit that. I've been trying to create the same message with better wording, but its just not working. :-(

Oh well.

Thank you all though!!

[Ramona]

Yeah, no problem, but I think you should thank me more for not trying any harder, ha ha. It would've been bad. "Emo Army" that's funny.

[cry,crayola.]

pretty much agree with darktears on this one.

emo's really not my thing as well............. sorry?!