Blood-Stained Tears

[muzikishappiness]

Nobody knows, but
At night she cries
He's hurt her badly
And told her lies
And by dawn
The tears are dry
She tries to be happy
But inside she dies

(Chorus)
Spiteful lies
And blood-stained tears
She's screaming so loud
But nobody hears

In repitition
Night falls once more
And she cries her eyes out
From the heart that he tore
And the words he screamed
Didn't deserve to be heard
But it doesnt matter
He's got the last word

24 hours past
And night falls again
With sudden realization
She knows she cant win
It's still dark
But she sees the knife
"It's the last time I cry"
She took her own life.
---------------------------------------------------
It's the first song I've ever written that seemed okay to me, so dont COMPLETELY murder it please?? I would like some help with how good it is, what I could do better, what the strong parts are, and revision. That sort of stuff. If you could help, I'd be very grateful. Thanks.

[Ramona]

Very cliche, but I like the format because although the rhymes were simple they didn't seem forced or anything. The line "24 hours past" seems to break the rhythm a little bit.

[darktears]

I liked it, really sad though. It needs a little work.