"Short life, Long Happiness"

[twiggy]

It's early in the morning,
You mind is adoring,
The wonderful thought,
Of seeing your loved ones.

You rise out of bed,
Shaking your weary head,
You feel so,
So happy to be alive.

[Chorus]
Life is short,
So live it well
Death may be coming,
Inside a bombshell,
But you live your life,
And you live it well.
As you tread on down,
The Path of life..

You walk on down the street,
Greeting everyone you meet,
You are so,
So happy to be alive.

You tread on a little bit too far,
You don't notice the oncoming car,
You were so,
So happy to be alive.

No,

[Chorus]
Life is short,
So live it well
Death may be coming,
Inside a bombshell,
But you live your life,
And you live it well.
You tread on down,
The Path of life..

The Path of life is ridden with,
Troubles and Sorrow,
But you'll make it,
Yes you will.


I wrote this for a friend who said she was going to commit suicide. So I sat her down, pulled out my guitar and started sing. We bawled like babies, with a rash.

[Ramona]

W0w, y0ur friend is 0K n0w, right? S0rry ab0ut the 0's, the 0 key 0n this sch00l p00ter is stuck. Anyway, I liked this alright, I mean, it c0uld use m0re imagery and m0re descriptive, 0riginal ideas but I understand where y0u're c0ming fr0m. I liked the line "Death may be c0ming/inside a b0mbshell."

Ram0na

[ScarletMornings]

okay wow i don't know how i totally missed that we had a song lyrics board. anyways, this is a really cliche idea, but i really think this has potential if you just improve diction and imagery. i agree with ramona(outsane) and i think this is a pretty good song. good job.

[behindTHEmask]

I think what make's this song more than it is, is the fact that it's so personal. That's it not just an idea floating in your head, but relevance to someone you can touch and trace their emotions. I don't think I need to repeat what OUTsane or Scarletmornings has said, but what I think you should do is close your eyes, and add what you see in your head to make the idea less cliched. Since it is so personal to you, if you play a scene from your life, and mark the visions in the song, the song itself will be more powerful - more impactful.

♥

[ScarletMornings]

that's exactly it. i wish i was a good critiquer. *sighs wistfully

[darktears]

That was really cool. I like the message your giving, it's sad also. I hope your friend is okay. That was quite good.

[sweetiegail]

That's a really inspiring story and the song is amazing. I can almost hear it!

[pacificwriter]

It kindof does not make sence, i mean u go to one topic to another.