Song Title: Angels

[mswrite]

When you’re lost in your sorrows and it feels
Like you can’t go on
When the pain gets too much and the roads gets too rough
You want it to be done
Just let go of you life,
No more tears, no more strife
Fall away and your heart will be cleansed
So it seems…<br>
[Chorus]
Keep holding on
Have faith in your heart
And reach for the light in the rain
Don’t forget they are there
Reaching out for your tears
And watching each step that you take

There are angels
In the dead of night
There are angels
When nothing goes right
There are angels
To wipe away your tears
There are angels
In each breath that we take
There are angels
In each smile that has come from the heart
There are angels…<br>[no more chorus]

When a child can die in the blink of an eye
Wonder if there’s a god
When a father will leave a family cold in the streets
Where did the world go wrong?
If one more life disappeared
Mother, daughter or son,
Who would notice?
Who would care?

[Chorus]

When you feel like your heart is caving in
Don’t forget there are angels
When you’re losing all sight of what you have
Don’t forget there are angels
When you think nothing remains to hold on to
And this world is too cruel to belong to
Don’t forget

There are angels
To wipe away your tears
They are waiting
To lock away your fears
They are watching
To brighten your life with a heavenly breath
There are angels.

So it's a little odd and not too loaded with "charged words" or "awesome analogies". But then again, most of my poetry/songs are like that. And it rhymes sometimes, not always. Sometimes rhyming sounds stupid, but sometimes it's unintentional and ends up sounding good.


I wouldn't mind a bit of feedback...

[Ramona]

It was an overall good song. The fact that it didn't have any complex analogies or imagery in it made it different, and good. The raw emotion of it was illustrated in its simplicity. Good work, all in all.

[Sparks]

When a child can die in the blink of an eye
Wonder if there’s a god
When a father will leave a family cold in the streets
Where did the world go wrong?
If one more life disappeared
Mother, daughter or son,
Who would notice?
Who would care?

That right there is my favourite part.
It reminds me of something, but I can't quite put my finger on it. It'll probably come to me later.
Anyhow, as far as the rest of it goes, it kind of sounds like a "believe" song. A sort of, have faith in the Lord... or angels, I don't know. It just sounded a bit on the churchy note to me, overall.
But that's just my thoughts on this one. I'm sure that a lot of people, whether this inculdes you or not, feel this song strongly, can relate to this sort of thing, etc.
I think the rhyming (unintentional, intentional, whatever) you have in this piece is good.
It all flows well. Meaning: There aren't choppy lines and really offbeat wording in places.
Overall, if I was a bit less of a cynic, I'd probably enjoy it more.
But for 75% of the people that will read it, it was well done.

[mswrite]

Thanks to you both for the comment. It's nice to get some good criticism. some of my friends are into writing but they don't really give good criticism--they always say it's "good" and that's about it. So this is nice. Glad you both liked it. I do realize it turned out pretty religious. When I started out, the intent was to have something to do with hope, you know? I guess I just like the idea of angels. And your comments help me like it more and more! Thanks.