Post by behindTHEmask on Sept 22, 2005 16:37:22 GMT -8
So this is right in the middle of the book, Pause, Rewind, I'm writing. I didn't want to start from the beginning, I just wanted to know if reading an excerpt sparks intrests of any sort.
Let me know?
Part Twelve.
I’m breathing heavy—like I am attempting to cut off the oxygen from the inside out. I hear voices running through my head, telling me it’s worth it—to hold on. I’m trying to believe them, but I can’t see the white in this canvas of black. Nothing shines through.
Maybe I’m just looking through blind eyes. Maybe I want darkness to engulf me.
I don’t remember how I got to Jake’s grave. Yesterday is a blur to me now, but I’m sitting in front of it—hair a mess, and clothes smelling like a pile of dog shit had swallowed them and spit them back out. I can’t differentiate from what happened the day before, and what I dreamed. I must have broken my promise to someone again because I can feel the blood pounding in my head. I can hear the blood through my brains, screaming, just fucking hold on.
I don’t know who is voicing these words. I’m staring at Jake’s name engraved into his tombstone. The curve of the J makes me wonder if he wants me to grab onto the hook and be pull myself out of the deep black sea. If I close my eyes, I can see Jess running her delicate fingers over the curve of my face, and her breath inside my ear as she whispers she loves me. She loves me.
And then there’s you. Just breathing makes me think it’s you. Just blinking my eyes lets me envision that pink suit and those thin eyebrows. You don’t even know me, and you tried your ass off to help me. You wasted your time trying to reverse my moods.
I can’t take it.
I just want it to be over—to all go away.
I’ve fallen back onto the ground now, my hands resting behind my head. The grass is wet, sticking to my arms, but it really doesn’t matter. There’s silence around me. God could be heard cursing out the devil if I listened hard enough.
And then there are footsteps.
My attention fell from the silence to the small little shoes hitting the grass, crushing the dew hanging off the blades. Small little footsteps sounding as they did two months ago up the stairs to my bedroom when I had the power of control - when I knew who I was. When I thought I didn’t feel emotion.
If I close my eyes, I can see her pushing up my shirt. Her lips gracing mine as though they don’t want to let go. I can feel my hands running down her, tracing the lines of her waist to the button of her jeans that sat just above my destination.
If I close my eyes, I can realize the passion that passed between us. It wasn’t just to compensate for my loss. It wasn’t because I wanted to forget everything. I just wanted to give her love. I just wanted her to know, she’s her.
Let me know?
Part Twelve.
I’m breathing heavy—like I am attempting to cut off the oxygen from the inside out. I hear voices running through my head, telling me it’s worth it—to hold on. I’m trying to believe them, but I can’t see the white in this canvas of black. Nothing shines through.
Maybe I’m just looking through blind eyes. Maybe I want darkness to engulf me.
I don’t remember how I got to Jake’s grave. Yesterday is a blur to me now, but I’m sitting in front of it—hair a mess, and clothes smelling like a pile of dog shit had swallowed them and spit them back out. I can’t differentiate from what happened the day before, and what I dreamed. I must have broken my promise to someone again because I can feel the blood pounding in my head. I can hear the blood through my brains, screaming, just fucking hold on.
I don’t know who is voicing these words. I’m staring at Jake’s name engraved into his tombstone. The curve of the J makes me wonder if he wants me to grab onto the hook and be pull myself out of the deep black sea. If I close my eyes, I can see Jess running her delicate fingers over the curve of my face, and her breath inside my ear as she whispers she loves me. She loves me.
And then there’s you. Just breathing makes me think it’s you. Just blinking my eyes lets me envision that pink suit and those thin eyebrows. You don’t even know me, and you tried your ass off to help me. You wasted your time trying to reverse my moods.
I can’t take it.
I just want it to be over—to all go away.
I’ve fallen back onto the ground now, my hands resting behind my head. The grass is wet, sticking to my arms, but it really doesn’t matter. There’s silence around me. God could be heard cursing out the devil if I listened hard enough.
And then there are footsteps.
My attention fell from the silence to the small little shoes hitting the grass, crushing the dew hanging off the blades. Small little footsteps sounding as they did two months ago up the stairs to my bedroom when I had the power of control - when I knew who I was. When I thought I didn’t feel emotion.
If I close my eyes, I can see her pushing up my shirt. Her lips gracing mine as though they don’t want to let go. I can feel my hands running down her, tracing the lines of her waist to the button of her jeans that sat just above my destination.
If I close my eyes, I can realize the passion that passed between us. It wasn’t just to compensate for my loss. It wasn’t because I wanted to forget everything. I just wanted to give her love. I just wanted her to know, she’s her.