Paradis Perdu

[Pseudomuse]

this is a new poem im working on, inspired by Milton's Paradise Lost.

Paradis Perdu

Eve gave Adam a poisoned apple
From the tree of knowledge
Egged on by the silver snake
A gift of Greece with a crimson shine

Eve gave Adam a poisoned apple
Deep within Paradise
Or was it really Paradise
Seeped in ignorance

Eve gave Adam a poisoned apple
But took the first bite
Condemning herself to poverty
Condemning herself to release

Eve gave Adam a poisoned apple
Of freedom;
Each morsel sweeter than the last
Sickly sweet syrup dribbling down the chin

[Sparks]

I enjoyed it. I'm not sure how much I can say about it, but I like how you didn't make it rhyme, because in this case it suits it best.
I'm personally not much of a church kid, but I know the story of Adam and Eve. Either way, though, I doubt that's what you're getting at in the end, in this poem.
The thing is, I'm not sure exactly what it's supposed to mean.
I like how you ended it. Kind of on a " " note.
Good work.

[quilleh]

_{I thought this was excellent, but tell me...is there a deeper meaning here, because I seem to be sensing that vibe?}

[ScarletMornings]

yeah, i was wondering that too. excellent job so far.

[saralioness]

Hm...I don't really like it. It would flow better if it rhymed even every two lines or so, and I am not so fond of the church ideal.

About the title, were you trying to made the passe compose form of Perdre?